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Donald And Me

06/11/2016 23:44 | Updated 08 November 2016
Carlo Allegri / Reuters

I interviewed Donald Trump about sixteen years ago. He invited me to go with him to judge an emergency beauty contest in Atlantic City. It was crucial because there were so many succulent women hanging off the vines in that part of the world, they needed picking and who better to pick than world expert of womanhood (Donald Trump). He allowed me to film him for my show "Ruby's American Pie" on BBC One.

He wanted to do the interview on his private jet because he didn't have a lot of time to stand still so we agreed. After waiting for him to have his makeup done (agent orange) we sat down and at about 33,000 feet he announced his candidacy to become the next President of the United States, I laughed heartily as he told us to shut off the camera. After some persuasion he let us turn it on again. He told me if he became president he wouldn't have to charge the country to buy another Air Force One jet because he already had one like it. I said, trying to stay neutral, that I thought it would be easier to find women to date once he was actually in the White House (a fair point). He seemed irked. Eventually, because of my in-depth interview style he told me he had had enough of me, got up and locked himself in the cockpit. Eventually the plane landed, primarily, I thought, to get rid of us.

At that point he gave me a lift in his limo and the regret of my life is I didn't have my sound equipment switched on or a camera. In the car he got down and dirty, trying to shock me by giving me detailed accounts of what he likes to do with his many many women. The one thing I am is unshockable - I was utterly revolted though. Roger Stone (his political consultant) was in the car and laughed like a drain at Donald's hilarious carnal tales.

When my crew and I finally got to Atlantic City, via some of the most bizarre sights to be seen in the US (you can see this on the first half of the show), we hunted him down at the beauty contest in Atlantic City. There we watched him charm his people telling them dirty jokes. One is about someone who went to the toilet and didn't wash his hands. I forget the punch line. I spent a lot of time with Roger Stone discussing how he gets his hair that way.

Later, I met his future wife, Melania Trump super model/something and perhaps future First Lady. She shared with me his incredible sexual mastery and when I asked if he puts his money where his mouth is, she gave me a big proud "yes" (class), try to eat your lunch again people. The crowds also ate him up and I met some very excited women who were supporters of his future presidency. One elderly woman (has to be seen in this video because words fail me) with just a few missing teeth God bless her, somehow managed to get her hands on a million dollars to donate to Donald's campaign. He gave her back a ring as thanks.

I beg you to watch this show and pass it to others to have a reality check on the potential next President of the United States. Then be scared, be very scared. If you want to get to the Donald interview quicker, jump to around the second half of the show (about 12 minutes in); the beginning is just the introduction explaining why I was in the middle of nowhere as I had been thrown off his jet. Giving you the link to this program is all I can do now to try and save the world. At least I can say I tried to do my patriotic duty. If you have the right, please do your patriotic duty and vote on or before Tuesday.

Here is the interview in full. Please share it as far and wide as you can.

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