Student have been sent a letter telling them to "refrain" from masturbating in the shower, after several blockages were discovered in the university-owned residences.
The letter, from Manchester University, brands the situation "intolerable" and costly, claiming the repairs have cost more than £2,000.
"We have recently found several blockages in showers in University owned accommodations, mostly caused by human hair," the letter reads.
"However, over the last few weeks we have found many of these blockages to be caused by large quantities of, what we now have determined is, semen. This is intolerable."
The letter then explains because the substance is not soluble in water, it gets "caught" in the filters, something which the university's system is "particularly susceptible" to.
"Though we know you must 'take care of your business', we have never faced a problem of this enormity before," the letter continues.
"It is because of this, unfortunately, that we must ask you to refrain from masturbating in the shower.
"May we advise those who wish to masturbate to do so in the comfort of their own rooms, and to dispose of their discharges appropriately."
The letter, which was posted on Facebook, is signed by a "Thomas Woodhall", accommodation management officer at the university.
Unfortunately suspicions were aroused at Huffington Post UK headquarters when it was spotted the writer had spelled Manchester as "Manchster".
A quick call to the university's press office confirmed the letter was a hoax, following in the footsteps of St Andrew's pranksters, who told students not to pleasure themselves in the library.