COMEDY
23/07/2012 11:02 BST | Updated 23/07/2012 11:04 BST

Edinburgh Festival Comedy: 10 Questions With John Robertson

A tip of the top hat to comedian, journalist, clown and host John Robertson, who's taking not one but two (count 'em!) shows to this year's Edinburgh Festival - and before he does so, was happy to answer our 10 Quick Questions:

Pitch your Edinburgh show in 25 words or less.

The Old Whore: The story of how I tortured a man, avenged a family and screwed a monarch. Brutal whimsy in a nice hat. The Dark Room: The merciless game show without a game. A floating head torments you.

Your best Edinburgh moment?

Chilling out in the Assembly bar with my adorable lady, the less adorable but lovely Glenn Wool, and five pints of strawberry and lime cider.

And your worst?

Starting a show by being hit in the face with a hail of about 15 shot glasses. Even that wasn’t too bad, as I later helped an audience member throw a dart into a friend’s leg. Christ, it lodged in.

You've got one hour free in Edinburgh - what do you do?

Nip to Tesco’s for 99p energy drinks and then kvetch with any familiar face.

Which Edinburgh landmark/venue/place would you give a five star review to?

The Hive - the drinks are cheap, the music’s good and I once tripped over some guy’s deodorant can on the dancefloor. There aren’t many teenagers who’ll think about hygiene while listening to Little Lion Man.

Give us a secret Edinburgh tip!

Given an experience I had when a young woman tried this on me: upon hearing a foreign accent, don’t guess. And if you must guess, don’t guess incorrectly and then argue that you’re right. The speaker will know where they’re from and you will look like a racist douche. Also, the man tackling you to the ground may be a long-lost friend. Make sure he is before attacking.

Deep-fried haggis or deep-fried Mars bar?

Haggis. I have one of those Mars bars a year, but haggis just about stops me heading out of Scotland for any reason. I adore it.

Kilt or trousers?

Jeans.

Arthur's Seat or Arthur Smith?

Always the Seat. Sorry, Arthur.

Complete this sentence: “In Edinburgh, I will be mainly...

...HURTING PEOPLE IN THE AFTERNOONS AND THEN AGAIN AT NIGHT.”

John Robertson’s shows run 2-26 August. The Old Whore is at 22.15 at the Assembly Hall; The Dark Room - Live is at 17.00 at The Hive. Find out more and book tickets here.