A spokesman has confirmed that beefburgers created from stem cells will not be on sale in British supermarkets "until more tests are done... specifically ones which prove the burgers contain horsemeat".
Test tube burger "sadly lacking in horsemeat"
"We have tested the burgers," confirmed the spokesman. "And while they're close to tasting like meat, we feel they are lacking some flavour and juiciness - which we can only attribute to the fact that they don't contain any horse.
"Clearly the next step should be injecting the burgers with horse DNA. We recommend at least 10%."
The race is now on to produce the first artificial beefburger with artificial horse. It is not known yet when this will happen - but several hundred boxes of My Little Ponies were seen being delivered to a laboratory in Maastricht on Tuesday.
Why the long face?
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