As the Chancellor's trip to China comes to an end, full details of the deals he struck with the Chinese government can now be revealed:
To run our nuclear power plants
To run our free schools
Royal Mail shares
All our badgers
10,000 copies of Morrissey’s autobiography
The UK gets:
All-you-can-eat Chinese buffet for life
10,000 boxes of Lucky Cats to sell on the next series of 'The Apprentice'
The rights to produce the opera 'Osborne In China'
A new panda to replace Tian Tian