On the eve of his 1,000th match, a shocking revelation has emerged that Arsenal manager Arsène Wenger was not only engaged to a woman from Bromley, but she is the god of alien race and it all happened in the 15th century.
Yes, 53-year-old Stephany Cohen claims Wenger was heir to the French throne six centuries ago when she was Joan of Arc.
"I did not see Joan of Arc."
"He was the same man we know him to be today. Highly intelligent but very stubborn," Ms Cohen told News Shopper.
"His big problem is he never has a plan B. Arsenal will not win the Premier League this season because of that," she predicted. Most would, in fairness, agree with that.
"Arsène, meet the god of an alien race from Bromley who is Joan of Arc."
Supposedly a deity among the Cat People from the Canis Major system, Ms Cohen also believes Labour will win the 2015 general election.