23/05/2014 09:40 BST | Updated 23/05/2014 10:59 BST

Local Council Election Results 2014: Ukip's Neil Hamilton Fails To Get Elected, World Breathes Collective Sigh Of Relief

Matt Cardy via Getty Images
TORQUAY, ENGLAND - FEBRUARY 28: UKIP campaign director Neil Hamilton speaks at the UKIP 2014 Spring Conference at the Riviera International on February 28, 2014 in Torquay, England. The anti-European Union UK Independence Party leader Nigel Farage is looking to galvanise support ahead of May's European Parliament elections when they hope to win the most seats in the contest, building on its strong poll ratings and success in last year's local elections. (Photo by Matt Cardy/Getty Images)

The disgraced former MP and Ukip deputy chairman Neil Hamilton has failed in his bid to be elected as a councillor in Wandsworth.

Hamilton, whose name became synonymous with sleaze after a cash-for-questions affair saw him squeezed out of the Tory party, polled a miserable 396 votes.

"The potential influence of Ukip was the story that never was," the Wandsworth Guardian reported, with none of the party's 18 candidates in the borough coming close to securing a berth.

Nevertheless, Hamilton spoke out Friday after a Ukip candidate who called all the women of his town "pug ugly', somewhat surprisingly, won his seat in Basingstoke.

Hamilton said Matthew Ellery may have claimed victory because, wait for it.. "perhaps some women like people talking dirty to them."

Of course, Neil.

On a side note, now seems an opportune moment to remind you all that Hamilton once recreated *that* scene from Ghost.

The former MP infamously went to court in the 90s in an effort to clear his name of accusations that he had accepted envelopes stuffed with cash from Harrods boss Mohamed Al Fayed in exchange for asking parliamentary questions. He failed.

He once quipped, "I've found it's much better making political jokes than being one."

Hamilton, who has previously described Ukip as the party for "decent supporters of the BNP", also appeared on Thursday night's BBC Question time, during which he received a thorough pasting on Twitter.

In another one of the least-shocking results to come out of the local elections so far, Winston McKenzie also failed in his bid to get elected as a Ukip councillor in Croydon – after calling his own constituency "a dump."

The people of Croydon were clearly left feeling less than enthused to vote for the former professional boxer and motivational speaker after he said "Croydon has become a dump."

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