The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
I threw old quinoa under my feeder and now the squirrels are walking around in Uggs and requesting coconut water.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) November 14, 2016
I'm in such a state of despair that I understand French movies.
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) November 17, 2016
One week ago was the day before the election. Now I know how astronauts feel after traveling for 50 years and returning 10 minutes older.
— Ari Scott (@ariscott) November 15, 2016
Any superheroes out there? 'Cause now would be a good time to make yourself known. Also, I have some extra spandex unitards if you need 'em.
— Tanisha L. Ramirez (@TanishaLove) November 14, 2016
Good news: in the multiverse theory, there are many realities where Trump isn't President. Bad news: You live in this one.
— beth loves cake, so (@bourgeoisalien) November 15, 2016
2016: The year the music really died.
— Tanvi Misra (@Tanvim) November 11, 2016
Steve Bannon looks like the actor in every Lifetime movie, playing a belligerent, alcoholic uncle who shows up & ruins everything.
— Erica (@SCbchbum) November 15, 2016
Two bucks that the White House pet is gonna be a largish snake who wandered in the back door AKA a metaphor
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) November 18, 2016
MADDOW: we are joined by Russian journalist Masha Gessen. Masha, is it true that we are the same person in alternate storylines? pic.twitter.com/nP2yimnVGv
— Alison Agosti (@AlisonAgosti) November 12, 2016
Some things I wouldn't trust trump with: controlling a thermostat, ordering appetizers for the table, anyone's daughter, the keys, president
— Michelle Wolf (@michelleisawolf) November 16, 2016
I'm still waiting for Hillary to tweet "I didn't like yo ass either"
— Brittani Nichols (@BisHilarious) November 14, 2016
I will never get why some guys feel more awkward buying tampons. When WE buy them, someone knows our vaginas are bleeding.
— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) November 18, 2016
There's a lot on our plates right now, but someone should probably check in on that whole feral clown situation.
— Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) November 15, 2016
cleaning my room = taking 15 min breaks and then winding up lying on my bed wearing a xmas dress from 3 years ago while watching netflix
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) November 18, 2016
weird that any breakfast calories u consume at the airport/train station while traveling super-early don't count. science is amazing
— Chelsea Fagan (@Chelsea_Fagan) November 18, 2016
my least favorite conversations lately have all gone like this:
ME: Donald Trump is a Xenophobe and a misogynist.
WHITE GUY: How so?
— Morgan Murphy (@morgan_murphy) November 16, 2016
The only thing I feel like flirting with is misandry.
— LADYBIRDJ (@ladybirdj) November 13, 2016
As a white girl who has six frozen pizzas at home, let me tell you why I gave your banh mì 3.5 stars on yelp
— Erica Rose (@erica_rosie) November 16, 2016
After a stressful day of holiday shopping, I like to soak away my cares in a relaxing bath.
Mall Security: Ma'am, get out of the fountain.
— Saucy Kensington (@Book_Krazy) November 17, 2016
The Samsung Note 7 created many a hot pockets.
— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ(s)🎭 (@3sunzzz) November 15, 2016