How to Get the Most Out of Your Divorce | HuffPost Life

I spend quite a significant amount of time with clients assuring them that they have more control of the outcome of the Divorce than they originally perceive. Many people come prepared for a fight and with that mind-set is exactly what they will get...

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Smashing Glass Ceilings on a daily basis

Smashing Glass Ceilings on a daily basis

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This article was first featured on North House Coaching website

I spend quite a significant amount of time with clients assuring them that they have more control of the outcome of the Divorce than they originally perceive. Many people come prepared for a fight and with that mind-set is exactly what they will get. However you can chose to Divorce with Dignity, a philosophy that myself and colleagues at DMFL in Cambridge, UK promote. This is about reducing the emotional conflict in the Divorce without compromising on the material outcome. Using some of our tips below will get you a better outcome from your Divorce both materially and psychologically.

1. Pick your battles - spending time arguing about who gets the table lamp will cost you money and energy. To get the best outcome you need to reduce the amount of conflict with your ex. If you can demonstrate reasonable behaviour and want to compromise then you are more likely to get a swifter resolution to your Divorce. Note of caution - this is not about letting them call the shots, this is about you identifying what is important to you - the table lamp (unless a family air loom) should not be a deal breaker.

2. Invest in the right solicitor - I cannot stress this more than ever. It is vital that you get a solicitor that not only is able to represent you regarding the material things but that you feel are able to represent your values. If you want a collaborative divorce then don't appoint a litigator. There are many different ways that your Divorce can proceed and not all options result in a bun fight in court.

3. Know your options - Do your research. A good solicitor should keep you informed of your options for how to proceed; mediation and arbitration, collaborative divorce, court proceedings etc. For more information, check out the options page with my colleagues at DMFL

4. Make a future plan - This may seem difficult in the midst of all the emotion and turmoil, but it is really important to have a direction to travel in. Set out your future goals for what you would like life to be post-divorce. Think about where would you like to live, what would you like to be doing as a job, who will be the key people around you, what will be your hobbies etc. The ending of one cycle in your life provides opportunities to shape the new cycle, so use the opportunity to create the new you. This will give you direction and mind-set to focus on the important aspects of the negotiations that will help you achieve your plan.

5. Get organised - It is crucial that you get everything in order. It may seem like an arduous task but the Divorce will only be able to proceed effectively if you are able to supply all the information that is required. Block out a day and start organising. You will need all your financial and asset documentation. It is important that you are thorough as any contests about information being incomplete or non-factual will increase the time and costs of the Divorce.

For more support in getting organised in your Divorce, Divorce Coaching is a great option. Visit www.northhousecoaching.com for more information

Also on HuffPost UK:

13 Ways To Make Divorce Less Stressful

For Starters, Accept Your Divorce(01 of13)

You can’t do much about the divorce itself, says author and divorce lawyer Joryn Jenkins, but the good news is you have a significant impact on how your life follows. "This is a fresh start, a new beginning. You can decide what happens in the next minute, hour, day, month, and year after divorce by focusing on what you want instead of what you don’t want," she says. (credit:Peter Dazeley via Getty Images)

Be Transparent(02 of13)

When both sides are transparent and work together, despite their differences, the divorce is finalized much quicker and is less expensive, Jenkins says. "You also build a new relationship from which you can co-parent in trust." (credit:BananaStock via Getty Images)

Be Realistic(03 of13)

Divorcing spouses waste time and money arguing impossible positions, Jenkins explains. Try to see the big picture and take time to view issues from your former partner’s perspective. "Consider what your true interests and long-term goals are, and don’t just take a position for the sake of taking a position." (credit:Nick Dolding via Getty Images)

Do Your Homework(04 of13)

Any divorce takes a lot of hard work. You will need to prepare a financial affidavit, compile financial documents, review lengthy settlement offers, and prepare for either hearings and depositions. "The more work you do, the more that you will be committed to resolving the matter, and the less you will pay your attorneys and other professionals to do the work for you," Jenkins says. (credit:BernardaSv via Getty Images)

Observe The Golden Rule(05 of13)

Treat your spouse as you would like to be treated yourself. "Don’t lie to, belittle, or ignore him or her. Don’t empty joint bank accounts, dissipate marital assets, or remove your spouse from insurances without agreement and/or notice. Don’t file false police reports or contact child services unless your children really are in danger," Jenkins explains. And don't, we repeat don't, post inappropriate pictures and comments on social media for the world to see. (credit:JGI/Jamie Grill via Getty Images)

Do The Right Thing For The Kids(06 of13)

If you have kids, divorce doesn’t end your relationship with your spouse, Jenkins says. "You will still have regular interaction with him or her and have to see him or her at future events like graduations and weddings." It is important to be as amicable as possible, so you are able to be in the same room with one another in the future, she adds. (credit:Andrew Bret Wallis via Getty Images)

Choose Your Divorce Process(07 of13)

Understand that there are multiple divorce processes, and you are not required to “go to war” or to litigate, she says. Instead, you can mediate or negotiate your divorce cooperatively or collaboratively. "Talk to an attorney who understands these different court-less options. And, before you hire an attorney, get a second opinion." (credit:Hemera Technologies via Getty Images)

Know That It Gets Better(08 of13)

Whether you are just entering into the divorce process or your divorce is almost final, it’s stressful. "I never guarantee a result to my clients with this one exception. You will look back on this event and see it as just that, an event. And you will very probably be grateful that it happened," she says. (credit:Caiaimage/Paul Bradbury via Getty Images)

Find A Support Person(09 of13)

During this time, you need someone to talk to, to confide in, and to whom you can vent your frustrations. "It can be a parent, best friend, sibling, mental health professional or anyone you feel comfortable speaking with," Jenkins says. (credit:monkeybusinessimages via Getty Images)

Focus On Your Financial Independence(10 of13)

It’s time to start thinking about your own financial future. "Open your own individual bank accounts in a new institution and arrange for a safety deposit box in the new institution," Jenkins says. Don't forget to get new credit cards in your name as well. (credit:Blend Images - JGI/Jamie Grill via Getty Images)

Make A List(11 of13)

Make a list of your personal property, especially if you are planning on leaving the marital home. "List everything in your home. List your jewelry, your clothes, your art, your kitchen items, your furniture, your DVDs, your books, your CDs, your electronics.. everything," Jenkins says. Making a list ahead of time is a lot less stressful than fighting for it after the fact. (credit:Christine Balderas via Getty Images)

Close Your Social Media Accounts(12 of13)

"Divorcing spouses often use information found on these websites against one another in court. You can always reopen them in the future when your divorce is finalized, but for your own protection and to make the process smooth and less stressful, ditch these platforms for the time being," she advises. Change all of your passwords and, if necessary, keep records of your new passwords in your safe deposit box. (credit:Yiu Yu Hoi via Getty Images)

Ensure You And Your Children Are Safe(13 of13)

If your spouse has ever been physically violent towards you or your children or if you just don’t feel safe where you currently are, plan an escape route. "Move in with a friend, rent an apartment and just make sure you are in a safe place." (credit:MoMo Productions via Getty Images)

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