Dealing With Empty Nest Syndrome: As Jo Whiley Reveals Struggle, We Find The Best Ways To Cope

How To Deal With Empty Nest Syndrome
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TV presenter Jo Whiley revealed she was a complete "wreck" when her first child left home to go to university.

"It was horrible because we just did everything together, and I just always looked to her to be my mate and the thought of her not being there anymore was horrendous," the 50-year-old explained.

Whiley was speaking in an exclusive interview with Tess Daly as part of AOL Original series, Being Mum.

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The TV presenter, who has four children India, 22, Jude, 16, Cass, 13, and Coco, six - admitted that doing the last Ikea trip to buy her daughter kitchen stuff was "horrible", as was driving away and leaving her when she dropped her off at university.

She added: "On the way home, I was crying so badly, I was pathetic, so pathetic."

But what Whiley felt definitely isn't unusual.

Empty nest syndrome is the term used to describe the feeling of loneliness some parents experience when their children begin leaving home.

Rachel Burrows from the parenting site Netmums told HuffPost UK Parents: "Mums spend so much time being mums, caring for their children and putting other people’s needs first, that when their children leave, it’s a major life change.

"While some women love getting more freedom back and more ‘me time’, for others it can be a time of sadness."

Burrows said a Netmums poll found half of mothers worried about how they'd cope with missing their child, and just over 20% didn't relish the thought of their child not needing their mum so much any more.

Burrows added: "Empty nest syndrome is a very common experience, so if you are feeling upset, you are certainly not alone.

"It's likely that the initial few days will be hard but with a bit of time, positive planning and ambition from you, life will soon start to feel comfortably normal again."

Jeremy Todd, Chief Executive at Family Lives - a parenting and family support organisation, agreed.

He told HuffPost UK Parents: "Parents may be anxious about their child’s life skills as they prepare to live away from home for the first time and worry if they will manage their money, be able to make a decent meal and not spend all their time socialising down the student union.

"Parents can start to prepare themselves for the changes ahead and the loss they will feel when their child moves out of the family home for the first time, by re-discovering themselves, their relationships, and life after children.

"Just because your children have moved away, it doesn’t mean they don’t need you, your reassurance and your support."

Caroline Hartwell, a maternity nurse and childcare expert from Tinies, who works with families as they are growing up, agreed that the feelings are completely understandable.

She said: "Empty nest is a real feeling.

"We should address those feelings but in a positive way and try to not think of it as 'what is my role now' but as a new beginning for those very cherished children you have shed blood sweat and tears for, but also a new beginning for you."

For some mums, feelings of this empty syndrome might begin many years before their children leave home. It can occur when children go to school, suggests Siobhan Freegard from the video parenting network Channel Mum.

"But it can also hit parents at older stages too, such as when your child becomes more independent and takes the bus to secondary school, proving they no longer need you so much," Freegard added.

"Letting go of your children is hard at any age as you love them so much, but if you are suffering empty nest syndrome, try to tun your thinking around and be proud of the independent child you have raised."

In light of Whiley's story, we've compiled seven tips to help parents cope with empty nest syndrome

1. Remember, this is the start of a whole new chapter.

Burrows from Netmums said we should try to embrace this change positively: "Fill your days with rewarding jobs and make a start on all those tasks you've been meaning to start for ages.

"To avoid pangs of loneliness enjoy regular coffee dates with your friends - you finally have time to enjoy a leisurely cup of tea without any interruption."

Hartwell agreed, advising parents to focus on the positives. She said: "Don’t associate your children leaving the nest as a sad ending, but as a new beginning."

2. Factor in "me" time.

With more time to yourself, find a new hobby or something you enjoy doing to take up your time.

"You could finally join the gym or sign up for a dance class; embark on that creative writing course or start researching a new business idea. You could go back to work or up your hours to keep busy," suggested Burrows.

Todd agreed: "Do something for yourself. You may have more time for yourself now the washing and ironing has gone down!

"Whether it is spending more time with friends or pursuing a dream - think about what you want."

3. Acknowledge the feeling.

Todd said acknowleding you're feeling anxious is the first step to feeling better: "You may all feel quite stressed getting ready for the move. Lots of your time may be taken up with helping your child get things ready.

"Talk about it. If arguments are flaring up near to the move time talk about how you are feeling. But remember to try not to make your child feel guilty about flying the nest as this will cause resentment."

4. Plan ways to stay in touch.

Todd explained empty nest syndrome can almost feel like "grieving", but devising ways you can stay in contact with your child is the best approach, such as email, future dinner dates or a shopping trip together.

5. Be aware of your children who are still at home.

It's a good idea to be aware of how you are acting with any children who are still at home, advised Todd.

"Try not to over compensate with other children who may feel suffocated by too much attention," he added.

6. Focus on your relationship.

"If you have a partner you may feel you want to rediscover your relationship now the focus has gone from the kids. Think of things to do together without the children," said Todd.

Freegard adds that this is a good time to reconnect with friends too: " Keep busy, stay happy and fill your nest with other people you love - and remember the kids will be back wanting their washing done in a week or two!"

7. Don't be in a rush to feel better.

As Hartwell said, this is completely normal and not something you should feel bad about for experiencing.

"Don’t be in a rush to get over these feelings," she said. "All feelings should be validated, just give yourself extra treats to cheer yourself up."

Mean Things Our Parents Did When We Were Little (Gallery)
Despite not living on the breadline as far as I recall, if I wanted a biscuit I was 'rewarded' with a buttered Weetabix(01 of19)
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Same with sweets - except I got a bag of raisins. :( (credit:rutlo/Flickr)
To this day, I still view having plentiful supplies of ice in the freezer as a real treat, as I was limited to one cube per drink as a child.(02 of19)
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Yes, frozen water was rationed. (credit:Juriah Mosin via Getty Images)
If we ever ran out of toothpaste my Mum made me brush my teeth with salt.(03 of19)
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(credit:metinkiyak via Getty Images)
Gave me a bowl cut actually using a bowl on my first day of school(04 of19)
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Was not pleased (credit:Guff.com)
My mum used to make the dinner ladies sit with me at lunchtime in primary school as I was always hiding the food I didn't like in my pockets.(05 of19)
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*Innocent face* (credit:Creatas via Getty Images)
I was made to sit at the table until I'd finished the dinner you hate *casserole* and make your older brother's friend *who you fancied* watch me 'til I ate it.(06 of19)
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Like this, except I was about 12. Thanks Mum. (credit:vauvau/Flickr)
I was never allowed to have ketchup with any meal which contained baked beans/ spaghetti hoops...(07 of19)
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(credit:Rain Rabbit/Flickr)
..I was also never allowed pop tarts or flavoured cereals(08 of19)
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My parents ran a cruel ship. (credit:JeepersMedia/Flickr)
No chocolate snacks. I grew up in the house of apples and muesli bars(09 of19)
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Also banned:
Tattoos
Heroin
Dr Marten boots
Motorcycles (still banned apparently)
...not entirely sure how they weighted the issues.
(credit:Fairy Heart ♥/Flickr)
They made me and my bro wear the same clothes.(10 of19)
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Or, rather, the same prints. Him in a shirt and me in a dress. Like weird different sized twins. (credit:Andrew Taylor via Getty Images)
Made me go and put back a flashing roadworks light I'd stolen (whilst drunk) in broad daylight in the main street in our village.(11 of19)
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This was because 'someone could have got killed' by me nicking it. It was around resurfacing works and the hole was about one two centimetres deep. (credit:comedy_nose/Flickr)
We had one of those victorian photoshoots and the picture is on the mantlepiece - AH(12 of19)
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(credit:MuseumWales/Flickr)
When I ring home they make me talk to our dog down the phone..(13 of19)
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..Even though I have repeatedly told them animals can't speak English (credit:damedeeso via Getty Images)
My parents decided I needed to learn the meaning of a wage, and sent me to run the ice-cream van on Saturday at a motor auction.(14 of19)
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I was NINE. (credit:Ezra.Wolfe/Flickr)
My dad used to put vinegar in ketchup when it had nearly run out. He said it made it last longer. It tasted gross(15 of19)
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My mum used to intercept and throw the ketchup away before he'd managed to get to it.
When I was little I had to eat a whole bowl of apple crumble with cheese sauce... because my mum thought she had given me custard.(16 of19)
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(credit:Chris Fertnig via Getty Images)
When I was a baby my mum forced me to eat mashed banana, even though I cried the whole time.(17 of19)
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Turns out I was allergic to it. (credit:Steven Errico via Getty Images)
My mum used to make the dinner ladies sit with me at lunchtime in primary school as I was always hiding the food I didn't like in my pockets.(18 of19)
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(credit:Kim Gunkel via Getty Images)
When I was little my mum tried to teach me that red was blue and blue was red, as an experiment. (19 of19)
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And then got worried she would damage me. (credit:Wealan Pollard via Getty Images)