Universal
London picture house The Barbican is holding a very special screening of upcoming S&M kink-fest 'Fifty Shade Of Grey'... for mothers and their children.
Ew. That's a bit weird.
Six Reasons Fifty Shades of Grey Isn’t True To Life
No Room To Swing A Cat-O-Nine-Tails(01 of06)
BDSM doesn't have to be accoutrement-heavy. Most people I know who indulge in such things don't have that much kit to do so, and lots of them also manage it in shared houses or small flats with nearby neighbours. Of course the dominants don't play semi-naked piano in their penthouse apartment after the deed has been done, so maybe I'm being churlish... (credit:Alamy)
Indulging In BDSM Doesn't Mean You're Broken(02 of06)
No-one looks for profound reasons for someone who finds high heels sexually alluring to be wired that way. Or someone who likes the efficient secretary look, or corsets, or any other kink you care to name. Just because power play in some form or another floats your boat doesn't mean you are the victim of abuse, mentally ill or in any other way unhinged. (credit:Alamy)
Being Submissive Doesn't Mean Suppressing Your Personality(03 of06)
In the book, Ana spends a great huge part of the books worrying (courtesy of her, frankly quite bitchy, inner goddess) about whether she can either change herself into what Christian wants. Putting aside the whole 'why would you indulge in sex you didn't enjoy to land a guy, even if he DOES look like Daniel Craig meets Alexander Skarsgard?' thing, being submissive doesn't mean either suppressing your desires, or quietly not mentioning them. You don't have to be a Stepford sub - you can quite happily show your feelings and thoughts and react like yourself, even within the sexual context. No eye rolling or lip biting is necessary either (although, ok, maybe I eye roll a bit - my inner goddess if I have one is a bit of a sarcastic bint) (credit:Alamy)
Not All 'Punishments' Are Equal(04 of06)
Pain and 'punishment' is a major part of the dominant / submissive dynamic. However, unless you're uber hardcore (and most people aren't) they aren't the way real life disagreements and arguments are sorted. Christian Grey marking Anastasia's breasts because she dares to bare while on holiday is not an act of sexual punishment, it's the act of a horrible husband and no number of first edition books, gadgetry or helicopter flights to swanky restaurants is going to make up for it. (credit:Alamy)
Micromanaging Isn't Sexy(05 of06)
As a man who yearns for complete control, Christian Grey has an opinion on everything going on in Ana's life - from her friends, to what she wears, what she eats (and when), even when she heads off to her GP. Suffice to say most dominants I've ever met are less hands on, shall we say. This isn't just because some of my exes struggle to choose their own socks some mornings, but also because, frankly, the allure of deciding everything in someone's life is just a bit dull after a while. Also, I'd imagine, knackering. (credit:Alamy)
Orgasms: It's Not Like Tuning A Radio...(06 of06)
Ana comes for the first time (ever - SHE clearly doesn't read women's magazines) as Christian tweaks her nipples back and forth. That's all. It's probably just as well more blokes don't read the Fifty Shades trilogy, lest we end up with a generation of blokes who think the road to sexual ecstasy is nipple twiddling like a cat burglar trying to crack a safe. (credit:Alamy)