Why No Woman Should Ever Feel Ashamed Of Suffering From Postnatal Depression | HuffPost Life

Three mothers describe what it felt like: 'You are not alone.'

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Life editor at HuffPost UK

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Three mothers have bravely spoken out about feelings of isolation and fear when they suffered from postnatal depression after the birth of their children.

But Alison Whitehouse, 29, Fia Lane, 21, and Francesca Calise, 48, are determined to let other new mothers know one thing: “You are not alone”.

“It has been the loneliest and most terrifying thing I think I have ever experienced,” said Whitehouse, who is mum to 15-month-old Rupert and runs the blog Actively Balanced.

“For me though it has never been about my son, Rupert and I are so close and have a great bond, but every other feeling has been very overwhelming.”

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Alison Whitehouse, 29, mum to 15-month-old Rupert.

Postnatal depression (PND) is an illness that affects between 10 to 15% of new mums, the Royal College of Psychiatrists states.

Sometimes there is an obvious reason for PND but any woman can be at risk, whether they have suffered from mental health issues before or not.

“PND can happen to anyone and it is not your fault,” said Dr Raja Gangopadhyay, a consultant obstetrician with a special interest in Perinatal Mental Health (PMH) and supporter of the postnatal depression charity Pandas Foundation.

He said PND often starts within one or two months of giving birth.

Lane, who is mum to four-month-old Kairo, explained: “As soon as I gave birth, I hoped that I would have that gushing of love and excitement.

“But it just wasn’t there. I was crying all the time, non-stop, but it frustrated me because I couldn’t explain to anyone what was going on in my head.

“I loved my baby I just didn’t feel happy. I felt like I didn’t have my life anymore. I knew I was suffering.”

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Fia Lane, 21, mum to four-month-old Kairo.

Calise, who is mum to eight-year-old Guilia, said she couldn’t sleep after her baby was born because of the thoughts going on in her head.

“I felt exhausted,” she said. “I felt so tired that I couldn’t take care of myself and having this baby to take care of was terrible for me.

“The worst feeling was that I didn’t feel considered as a person or as a woman, I was just the ‘mother’.

“I hired a cleaning lady, because I couldn’t make it on my own anymore. She saved my life - somebody was finally understanding me.”

Whitehouse, Lane and Calise are determined to remove the stigma associated with postnatal depression and remind any mothers suffering that they are not alone.

Lane explained: “I do feel there is such a stigma against this because as soon as you admit you have it, you think you’re admitting you can’t cope.

“You worry who will get involved. But you have to speak out.”

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Francesca Calise, 48, mum to eight-year-old Guilia.

“No one is going to take your baby off you,” added Whitehouse.

“It is so worrying thinking: ‘If I talk about it, people are going to think that I’m a bad mum and take my baby away’.

“But they’re not.”

Dr Gangopadhyay encouraged women to seek help and reminded them that there is no shame in admitting you are suffering.

“This is an illness,” he said.

“It needs care, it needs support and it needs treatment, like any other health condition. With appropriate care, all women can recover.”

Watch the full video above to hear the three women’s stories.

For information and support:
Mind: A mental health charity there to make sure no one has to face a mental health problem alone. Call: 0300 123 3393.
Pandas Foundation: Charity to support and advise any parent who is experiencing a perinatal mental illness. Call: 0843 28 98 401.
Mothers for Mothers: A postnatal depression support group with information and peer advice. Call: 0117 975 6006.
PNI: A website run by women who have suffered from postnatal illnesses to share personal experiences and offer support.

Before You Go

15 Facts About Depression

It's Not Just About Being Sad (01 of15)

There’s more to depression than just feeling sad all the time, says Dr. Prakash Masand, a psychiatrist and president of Global Medical Education. Symptoms of depression can include psychomotor (cognitive functions and physical movement) activity changes, trouble sleeping, loss of interest in pleasurable activities, feelings of guilt or hopelessness, decreased energy, trouble concentrating, appetite changes, while others may also have suicidal thoughts or attempts.

It Doesn't Mean You Can't Live Your Life(02 of15)

Being diagnosed with depression doesn't have to stop you from living your day-to-day life or seeking professional help. Most people would never guess celebrities like Brad Pitt, Oprah Winfrey, Billy Joel and J.K. Rowling all battled depression.

It Can Be Expensive (03 of15)

In Canada, one 2012 report found depressed workers who take a leave of absence or schedule in doctor or therapy appointments during work hours, can cost an employer up to $18,000.

New Moms Can Get Hit (04 of15)

Masand says one in 10 new mothers will develop postpartum depression. "This is by no means a character flaw or weakness. Symptoms of depression or the 'baby blues' can occur in many women." Mothers who feel like they do have symptoms should seek treatment and not put it off.

Women Are More Likely To Be Depressed (05 of15)

Masand says women are twice as likely to develop depression as men, and although depression can strike at any age, the average age of onset is 32.

You're More Likely To Have A Heart Attack(06 of15)

Patients with depression are also more likely to have heart attacks and strokes compared to non-depressed individuals, Masand adds. Researchers note some symptoms of depression can reduce your overall physical and mental health, which increases your risk of heart disease or make symptoms of heart disease worse.

It's Not Just Adults (07 of15)

One out of 10 adolescents will have depressive disorder by the time they're 18, Masand says. "Compared to adults, children with depression may be more likely to present temper tantrums, somatic complaints, social withdrawal and mood liability."

It Doesn't Always "Go Away" (08 of15)

If you are seeking treatment or taking antidepressants, Masand adds it's not as simple as being symptom-free in a few weeks. "Medications take time to work, and a 10 to 12 week trial is necessary to achieve remission," he says. He also adds cognitive behavioral therapy and interpersonal psychotherapy are good options to moderate depression.

Depression And Bipolar Disorder Are Not The Same (09 of15)

Sometimes, people are misdiagnosed or use the two conditions interchangeably. Masand says healthcare professionals should also ask about the history of a patient's experience with hypomania and mania — both of which are linked to being bipolar.

Sometimes Being SAD Is More Than Just SAD (10 of15)

Many patients with seasonal affective disorder (SAD), which is winter depression, have undiagnosed bipolar disorder, Masand says. Again, this can be tracked by looking at the patient's medical history, and experience with hypomania and mood levels. Often, professionals (and patients) wait around for the weather to get better to feel better.

Exercise And Yoga Can Help(11 of15)

Masand says studies have shown exercise and yoga can be very helpful with patients with depression. "When you exercise, you release endorphins, a chemical in the brain that brings about a positive feeling over the body." The benefits of exercising in general include longer and deeper sleep, improved self-esteem and confidence, reduced stress and alleviated depression and anxiety.

How Is It Diagnosed? (12 of15)

There are no laboratory tests or brain scans that can diagnose depression, Masand says. Instead, doctors talk to patients about family history, look for depression symptoms and at the same time, rule out other conditions to narrow down depression.

Hidden Causes (13 of15)

Masand says many medications like steroids or isotretinoin have been linked to causing depression. If you recently started taking a new medication and are feeling the symptoms of depression, talk to your doctor or pharmacist about potential side effects.

The Link Between Antidepressants And Suicidal Thoughts (14 of15)

Antidepressants don’t usually increase suicidal thoughts and suicidal tendencies, Masand says, but some studies have shown a correlation with an increased risk in some patients. In particular, children, teens and those under 24 tend to have a higher risk of having suicidal thoughts. In this case, anyone under 24 should be monitored extra carefully for any suicidal behaviour.

Resiliency Can Be A Good Thing (15 of15)

People with the resiliency trait are less likely to develop depression. "The reason for this isn’t totally understood, but resilient people typically have a stronger belief in themselves, don’t let adversity bring them down and are more confident," Masand says. He adds these types of behaviours are also taught in therapy.

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