What Christmas Is Like For People With Depression: Bloggers Share Their Experiences And Advice | HuffPost Life

This Is What Christmas Is Like For People With Depression

Rachel Moss— The Huffington Post UK

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[Picture: Gettystock]

We tend to associate the festive season with large family gatherings and raucous office parties, but this focus on frivolity can put extra pressure on people with depression.

Add in the financial burden that comes with buying presents and Christmas can become unbearable.

"Everyone can have off days, or feel blue for a short time, but for most people this usually passes relatively quickly. However, being depressed is a medical condition and you can experience intense emotions of anxiety, hopelessness, negativity and helplessness that simply won’t go away," Dr Paul Zollinger-Read, chief medical officer at Bupa says.

"Unfortunately, although the festive season is often one associated with joy, it can also be a stressful, lonely or sad time for many people. For those affected by depression, Christmas can actually be the worst time of year and something many of us need to be more aware of."

To raise awareness of how difficult this period can be, three HuffPost UK bloggers share their experiences of depression in December and offer tips to anyone suffering.

A couple of years ago I was severely depressed as I had a breakdown and I couldn't cope with the thought of spending a whole day with my family when I didn't even feel able to leave my bed. Worst of all I felt stressed and anxious about having to be "happy" when I felt so overcome with the depression.

My mum made the executive decision that we would spend Christmas together, just the two of us. We went for a beautiful walk by the sea in the morning, had a gorgeous roast dinner with all our favourite food and then spent the afternoon on the sofa watching movies. Although I was still depressed, I wasn't stressed or anxious because I was allowed to be myself.

Society tells us that this part of the year, above all else, is the time where friends and family should get together but if you don't have much (if any) family and few friends, it can make you feel as though you're the biggest failure and loneliest person in the world.

Get togethers are all over social media reminding you that you don't have people to turn to, the days are short and dark and it's cold, all of which makes you feel even less sociable than normal. It's an incredibly isolating time for many people but particularly those who struggle with depression and anxiety.

If you're suffering this year, stay away from social media. While it's a big part of our lives, we have to remember that it's not reality. We have to stop comparing ourselves believing that the other person is having a better time because their status may not be true.

Shun the traditional! If you hate the idea of being around the Christmas shops, songs and people, book a trip somewhere different or exotic if you're able to. Or if you know a friend who is struggling in the same way as yourself, get together and have the Christmas YOU would prefer instead of one that society or family dictates for you.

Suffering from depression is difficult at the best of times but if you add Christmas into this, it can sometimes be even harder. I remember when my own struggles with depression were at their height, the festive season was almost an impending doom for me.

I was genuinely dreading it and I distinctly remember actually trying to cancel plans and staying alone in the homeless shelter I was in because I didn’t think I was able to manage.

Sounds crazy but when you bear in mind that people suffering from depression are reclusive and have this perception that they need to be on their own, putting them into a situation where being with groups of people, even family, is unavoidable can be almost unbearable.

The problem is, you are expected to be happy and cheery. There is a pressure to be the life of the party and if you’re not, then you’re ruining it for everyone else. At any other time of year, putting this pressure on a sufferer of depression can make things worse but it is almost seen as compulsory at Christmas to be happy.

Unfortunately, people in these circumstances really struggle with that and more discussion and patience is needed.

If you are suffering from depression over the festive period, it is so important to be able to talk to loved ones before, so that they know your circumstances and cut you some slack.

At the same time, when the time comes, try and fight those strong instincts to be on your own. It’s difficult but not impossible – I did this myself and I ended up really enjoying Christmas. This went a long way to helping me cope long term too so it’s a valuable thing to do.

Take the holidays as a chance to do the things you love and most importantly, focus on yourself. This is all easier said and done but it is doable and I am proof of that. Today I am so excited for Christmas and to get stuck into the celebrations (and the turkey).

I really struggle at Christmas but it has got easier over the years. It's not easy and you're more aware of being alone and not having a family to share what should be a wonderful time.

I can't really comment on what its like for others with depression at this time of the year, but for me I do get upset, tearful and wish things were different.

Its hard for anyone who's alone at this time of the year and terribly depressing because Christmas is a time for family and those you love. I remember one Christmas, I felt so worthless I just wanted to escape how I felt so I downed a bottle of whiskey, fell asleep and woke up the next day.

The festive period almost magnifies your depression and you become more aware of your failings at this time of the year.

If you're experiencing depression over the Christmas period, I'd advise you not to be on your own. Reach out. Pick up the phone and speak to those in your life that care about you.

You'll think there's nobody but there's somebody who will gladly have you round for the festive period. Do not isolate yourself. If you're feeling low and need someone to speak to I'd recommend giving the people at Calm a call. It's a great service for anyone feeling depressed.

Useful websites and helplines:
Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393
Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI - this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill.)
Get Connected is a free advice service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email: help@getconnected.org.uk

SEE ALSO:
Why Men Experience Depression Differently To Women
Nearly Half Of British Men Have Suffered From Depression And Anxiety
Landlord Gives Family The Best Christmas Present Ever

The Facts About Depression Symptoms

Negative Feelings (01 of15)

Do you have persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness that have lingered for at least two weeks and occur throughout the day, every day or nearly every day? Are these feelings interfering with school or work, or your relationships? This is a key symptom of clinical depression. We all have negative thoughts from time to time, and it’s natural to be sad when there is a serious event in our lives, like a death. The difference with clinical depression is that the feelings stick around and interfere with your ability to live your life day to day. (credit:Shuji Kobayashi via Getty Images)

Fatigue(02 of15)

Many people with depression find it difficult to get out of bed — and we're not just talking about hitting the snooze button. For some, getting up seems nearly impossible. They may also find themselves spending unusual amounts of time in bed throughout the day, or having trouble with normal activities because of fatigue. (credit:digitalskillet via Getty Images)

Changes In Sleeping Patterns (03 of15)

As tired as you may be, if you’re depressed you might also have trouble sleeping. Marked changes in sleeping patterns, like insomnia or increased time spent sleeping, is another symptom of clinical depression. (credit:Casarsa via Getty Images)

Changes In Appetite (04 of15)

Some people either gain or lose weight when they have clinical depression because of their change in appetite. For some, this means an increase in appetite and possibly weight gain as a result. Others lose their appetite and struggle to eat much at all. In either case, a significant change is worth investigating. (credit:Sami Sarkis via Getty Images)

Loss Of Interest In Fun Activities (05 of15)

We all have times when we feel a bit more introverted than usual, but when people have clinical depression, they can lose the sense of pleasure they used to get from their favourite activities or from engaging with others. This isolation can make it harder for friends and loved ones to see the other symptoms of depression a person may be exhibiting, which makes it more difficult to know when a person needs help. (credit:David Ryle via Getty Images)

Difficulty Concentrating (06 of15)

It’s more often thought of as a symptom of ADHD, but an inability to concentrate or hold focus on one’s activities can be a sign of clinical depression. Of course, if someone with clinical depression is also having trouble sleeping, not eating well or has lost interest in regular activities, this symptom can be amplified. (credit:kieferpix via Getty Images)

Suicidal Thoughts (07 of15)

This is the most serious symptom of depression, says Dr. Joe Taravella, a psychologist and the supervisor of Rusk’s Pediatric Psychology Service at NYU-Langone Medical Center in New York. “When you’re severely depressed, suicidal thoughts can become so prominent, you begin to make a plan for ending your life, as you feel there are no other options.” If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, seek help or tell a trusted person in your life and ask for help — call your doctor, call 911, or go to an emergency room. And never assume that a person who talks about suicide won’t do it. If someone tells you they are feeling suicidal or discusses plans to end their life, always take it seriously and get help. (credit:AlexRaths via Getty Images)

Chronic Irritability (08 of15)

“Many people don’t realize that low levels of chronic irritability and anger can mask an underlying depression,” Taravella says, “which can be undiagnosed and untreated for years.” A study released last year found that more than half of men and women who were experiencing a major depressive episode reported irritability as a symptom. Constant irritability is also a symptom of depression seen in teenagers and children, one that could be written off as normal growing pains or teenage behaviour. (credit:Thomas Barwick via Getty Images)

Physical Pain(09 of15)

Yes, depression can literally hurt. There is increasing recognition of the physical symptoms of depression, which include headaches, stomach pain, and back pain. One study found half of patients with depression from around the world reported unexplained physical symptoms. But because these physical symptoms are often vague or have no logical explanation, they can be missed as as symptom of depression. (credit:JGI/Jamie Grill via Getty Images)

Lack Of Daily Hygiene (10 of15)

For people with severe depression, basic tasks of self care can seem too overwhelming to undertake, Taravella says. As well, personal hygiene may seem unimportant if you are feeling hopeless or worthless. If someone in your life is showing a marked decrease in personal hygiene, don’t assume they are simply lazy. (credit:Canonzoom via Getty Images)

Memory Problems (11 of15)

Going along with trouble with concentration, people with clinical depression often have memory issues that can add to their difficulties in maintaining day-to-day activities. “As a result of these symptoms, they are more likely to become inattentive to their environment and prone to falls and injuries,” he adds. A 2013 study found that this could be because clinical depression impairs the process of “pattern separation,” which is the ability to distinguish between things and experiences that are similar. (credit:Simon Winnall via Getty Images)

Harmful Activities (12 of15)

Some people who show signs of depression engage in what Taravella refers to as “externalizing behaviours,” which include substance abuse and risk-taking activities. Men are more likely to do it, he says. These behaviours can be a sign of an underlying mental-health problem, particularly if they’re out of the ordinary for the individual. (credit:Daniel Grizelj via Getty Images)

If You Think You Have Symptoms Of Depression (13 of15)

“If you recognize symptoms of depression, take action and immediately seek professional help,” Taravella advises. There are valuable resources out there, he says, including psychotherapy and antidepressants. Many people also find some relief with meditation and exercise, often in conjunction with other treatments. It can be difficult to navigate the process of finding the right help, especially if you are having trouble just getting out of bed. Try talking to a trusted friend or family member who can help you research options and even call a therapist for you. (credit:Paul Bradbury via Getty Images)

Once You Start Your Treatment(14 of15)

It can take time for depression treatments to start making a difference, which is frustrating when you've taken the difficult step of admitting you need help. But while you work on medication and/or therapy, there are things you can do. Be as active as you can, Taravella says, and try to see friends. “Create small goals for yourself each week but don’t put a lot of pressure on yourself,” he suggests. While it can take time for depression symptoms to begin to lift, it may be worth seeking different treatment options if you are not seeing any improvement after two months. (credit:moodboard via Getty Images)

How To Help Someone With Depression (15 of15)

“The best way to help someone who is depressed is to be a constant source of support for them,” Taravella says. This can sometimes be difficult, however, because people with depression tend to isolate themselves despite your efforts to stay in touch and/or get involved. You may also be able to help someone by making a doctor’s appointment for them. It’s a simple task to request an appointment, but for someone who is severely depressed it can seem incredibly daunting. (credit:PeopleImages.com via Getty Images)

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