14/11/2014 06:18 GMT | Updated 13/01/2015 05:59 GMT

How to Become the Person You Want Without Having to Try


Just the other day a new client walked into my Clinic and asked what I could do to help them achieve the life they wanted? After a momentary pause I asked what steps they had implemented, what hadn't worked, and what they had learnt thus far.

This question was met with a blank and confused glare, "what have I done?" came the response. Clearly this was new territory and in-suit with my no-nonsense approach, I opted for a straight talking direct answer.

"If you're not happy with your life, why haven't you done anything about it" I continued... "I'm not here to tell you what to do, but to uncover that part of you that already knows what it wants and has been afraid to come to light, so why have you been holding back?"

Within an instant it was apparent that the penny dropped. He knew and continued to explain several fears that had been holding him back, and why he failed to do anything about them.

I share this story because we are all designed to avoid danger, it's built within us and with modern culture we will regularly reduce our own personal beliefs to fit in with those around us, effectively restricting our growth just to be "normal".

It seems to be normal to focus on what's not working than what is.

It can be frustrating at times and I have to regularly remind myself that, although the answer can be as clear as simply taking action, the internal barriers that some face will often provide emotions, strong enough to deter even the most willing.

Over the last few years I've seen the fear or failure on the increase, with many opting for the security, unhappy, unfulfilled, hidden within an underpaid job, rather than branching out and living the life they desire and deserve - with more or less financial abundance, but a lot less happiness.

If you're stuck and want to realign your life so you can be the person you want to be without regular conscious effort here are 6 things you can do:

1. Identification - identify when things aren't working or are no longer offering you that motivating feeling to achieve more. If life is offering ample resistance then perhaps it's time to STOP, and reflect a little. There isn't any shame in knowing what you want to achieve and alter your life in order to live it how you want.

2. Legacy - legacy planning is essential, and is the only thing that identifies what's truly congruent to what you are able to attract into your life. The more you work backwards on what you want the more you'll identify those things that will best support you.

3. Persistence - keep on and accept that challenges are simply an identification that something isn't working quite as well as it should. Use these temporary pauses to reflect and make adjustments. Remember a worthwhile situation takes time to grow and develop, avoid the temptation to rush.

4. Patience - it's annoying waiting in a queue at the best of times, however you will need to accept that although modern technology increases the speed of information, nature takes time and has an agenda based on its ability to grow freely. If you are restricting your growth, perhaps it's time to open up and free up some space.

5. Flip it - when that situation arises where you feel like you've had enough - flip it to a positive. This may take training and a lot of conscious skill but once mastered it can alter negative states within just a few seconds. Practice flipping your views and start to question internally more about the world you live in.

6. F@@k it - when you've tried everything and it's still not working, f@@k it and move on. At times there can be the temptation to keep trying to hammer that square peg into that round hole. It's time to get honest about what you're doing and if it really is going to offer you want you really want. Avoid the emotional feeling of pride in these situations as that will pass but you'll not be able to recoup that spent time. If it's time to move on then "get real" about it and make the commitment to regaining control of your life.

In summary, if you've given up - or identified that you want more from life and think that now is the right time to do something about it. Avoid waiting until the next year, take action today and make tomorrow brighter.

More strategies on change can be found in Benjamin's bestselling book "How To Change Your Life"

Image From Shutterstock