12/07/2015 13:50 BST | Updated 12/07/2016 06:59 BST

Dear Chancellor

Dear George,

I've had a chance to digest your new budget and it seems clear to me that you are the one politician who is in sympathy with me and my issues. I too have bitter enemies who I wish to undermine and destroy by any means necessary, regardless of the impact on anyone else. So here are my problems, George, maybe you can help me.

I wrote a joke for the BBC once, George. They put it on the radio and gave me £18. After that? Nothing. I kept sending them stuff, but their insistence on 'fairness' and what they call 'letting the best talent rise to the surface' constantly held me back. Thanks to the BBC's lefty, elitist agenda other so called 'better' people were getting ahead of me. Taking work that could -should- have been mine. Is that Justice?

I'm not asking much, George. Six jokes a year (minimum) is all I ask. This would be no great demand, as it it would only mean denying two or three other people the chance of a break. And it would cost the taxpayer nothing, as it could be paid for simply by the BBC giving me a free TV licence. Time they put something back into the community.

My wife has serious health problems, George. That means we use the NHS a lot. Time after time when we seek medical help I find that we are fobbed off with one (often foreign) doctor, This is just like the bad old days when there was only one rail franchise or one electricity provider, and I want to see the benefits we've reaped from competition in these sectors extended to the NHS. Here is my idea. Let us see three doctors (minimum) who can all offer us a medical opinion. We chose the opinion we like best and that doctor gets paid. Obviously consulting rooms would need to be bigger but we can make space for that by axing maternity wards. This would save money which could be spent on improving the cafeteria facilities and women can easily give birth at home these days can't they?

I am a hard working, tax-paying, right-thinking British Citizen. Let's be frank, George, I'm , male, middle class, white skinned and I went to church as a child. Am I suppose to be held back by people who aren't even the same as me, just because they're better at the stuff I want to do than I am? I don't think so, George. Do you?