Hello, we're Bob and Jim, 'the UK's favourite neo-vaudeville double act'. As seasoned entertainers we understand the importance of lists. Here is a list of essential items we've taken with us from London to Edinburgh this August as we head up to perform our new show, 'Two Stars'.
1 - Orange bibs. These are bright orange training bibs from Training Bibs Direct, of the sort schoolgirls might wear for netball. However, we get ours in big manly sizes and print the 'Bob and Jim' logo on them in brown and yellow. That way we reduce the risk of going unnoticed, which is a Fringe performer's biggest fear, whilst subtly promoting our show. Without our bibs, the Edinburgh Fringe would be a nightmare.
2 - Sturdy shoes. For pounding the streets in the rain from one gig to the next and triumphantly climbing Arthur's Seat at the end of the festival in order to survey the city we have conquered.
3 - Medicine, including a sling and rubber gloves. For the prevention and cure of coughs, colds, gripe and wind. As soft southerners, we are particularly susceptible to such complaints during an extended stay north of the border.
4 - A thick skin. This needs to be carefully built up over the weeks leading up to the festival. Not only must it be able to withstand the harsher weather conditions, it must also be hardy enough to endure conversations with sceptical punters, smug producers, vapid fellow performers and your mother. A good practice for increasing the density of your epidermis pre-Fringe is to ask a supportive companion to randomly provoke you with a selection of the following statements: 'Are you in it? You don't look very funny', 'I heard this was rubbish, no wait, that was, no yeah, that was this', 'Two pints of watered down warm lager in a plastic cup - that'll be ten pounds eighty', 'Teaching is a much more reliable job, darling, and you still get to be creative.'
5 - A PR Company. Everyone has to have PR because if you don't no one will take you seriously and they'll think you're doing comedy as a hobby. Ideally you want a down to earth team of people with names like Dan and Tom and Fleur and at least one that sounds normal but is spelt imaginatively, e.g. Pheni (Penny). A strong team will be able to provide you with plenty of good reasons why no one cares about your show. Worth every pheni.
We hope this helps. Pop back next week for further Ed Fringe tips and insights.
Bob and Jim: Two Stars plays each evening at 8.20pm at the Underbelly, Bristo Sq, from 31 July to 25 August