23/02/2015 07:42 GMT | Updated 23/04/2015 06:59 BST

Modern Dating Disaster Stories

"Making A Move"

By Andrew Keen

This is a modern day tale of lust, and of the taking of chances and, ultimately, of catastrophe. Our hero is a young gentleman of whom I have known for some time. A scholarly lad; tending to be somewhat backwards in coming forwards, noticeably so when it comes to womenfolk. Unhappily, or perhaps happily, that is the exact focus of this tale. A woman.

The lady in question was a comrade in study. Cordial and frequent was their interaction. Warm friends they grew to be. But, dear reader, our hero wanted more, oh so much more. He dreamed and imagined and supposed and conceived a million times over. But, how? How? How should this great desire be realised?

He put his mind to work and arrived at a plan. Perhaps not the greatest, in scope or inventiveness. Perhaps not the most foolproof, nor memorable. But it was a plan and it was his, and that's bloody well got to count for something.

One balmy evening, following a jaunt to the cinema, our noble hero generously, though with intent, made offer of escorting her to her home by means of car. She gladly accepted, and the game was afoot!

There they were, on the street outside her house. The engine's cooling hum, and she making the beginnings of a goodbye. He must act now! Summoning all his grit and will, he assumed the pose of the free and easy, and spoke. As the words left his mouth, he leaned, so nonchalant! against the door. He spoke the noble words 'I think we should make out', his elbow bumped the central lock, and all the doors instantly locked. Realisation and panic. He froze, and stared, silently, at her, until she slowly unlocked her door and got out of the car.

About Andrew:

He is a comedy writer and film maker from Melbourne, Australia. He writes for a variety of comedy things: Panel shows, TV shows, Web Series, Live Theater. Click on his profile here:

"The Lasagne Man From Wiltshire"

By Nicky Moffatt

Having found myself back in the world of being a singleton again at the age of 35 I decided to give this online dating game a go.

I registered, uploaded some pics and began my search for the man of my dreams. "Hey, I really liked your profile, would be good to chat sometime", said a nice-looking guy one day, so I replied.

We started an email banter for a while and both liked what we were hearing, so the next step was to meet up and plan our future together, right?

After two nice dates at a pub, I decided to invite him over for a meal. That morning, I got up early to begin cooking Delia's finest lasagne. I created my masterpiece, only to receive a text from my date to say his car had broken down.

"Well, that's OK I said, I can come and pick you up and drop you home later, if you still want to come over." My date agreed this would be an acceptable offer and so I picked him up.

When we arrived at my house, I showed him into the living room, poured him a glass of wine and went to put the (here's one I made earlier lasagne) into the oven.

Next minute, I hear a shout from the living room. "Hey, come in here for a minute." I wonder what's happening, so I wander in, only to find him naked on the sofa. "Let's forget the lasagne," he says, with his manhood to attention. "Let's go straight to bed."

"Actually, let's forget the lasagne, and the sex, and I'll take you home..."

No, we didn't end up married..."


These stories were originally published on which is a website dedicated to sharing short (and true) stories. If you a dating story you'd like to share with the world, head to the site and click on the Submit Story button. Go on, we dare you.