You and your partner decide to start a family and you throw away your contraceptives, share a nice bottle of wine and turn your MP3 player to the "Barry White" after hour's playlist. Naively, you think your romance candles will not burn long because you are convinced you will see a double line on a pregnancy test within the next month, 3 months for sure. The bonus part for you and your eager partner is there will be no more headache excuses. You are trying to make a baby so this is open season for worry-free bedroom calisthenics.
What happens when the wick of that romance candle burns out and 3 months of you trying to conceive had long passed 2 years ago? By this point you are probably seeking out treatments. Instead of having a date night you are planning your life around your monthly cycle and your date night funds are all but gone from the costs of medical bills from clinics and pharmacies rolling in. Your partner is sticking you in the butt, arms, and stomach regularly with injections of fertility medications. Most women going through this process are feeling less than desirable due to the fact you are a hormone casserole with achy breasts and feel bloated pretty much all over your body. Not to mention your partner feels like a sperm donor and piece of meat sent out only to procreate because this is the prime meridian of your conversations and interactions as a couple.
It is a no brainer that for infertile couples, their intimacy and romance starts to take backseat as the microscope and myriad of doctors and specialists invasively take over your bedroom activities. Family building can be extremely stressful for couples fighting infertility, surprisingly something that 1 in 8 couples experience. Making sure you and your partner can escape from the throws of baby making and set aside time to enjoy each other will help reduce stress, and bring back the needed balance to your love life. Here are some ways you can heat up your relationship and rekindle those feelings of romance that have been blown out by the winds of clinics, medications and doctors.
1. Be the Messenger- Simple gestures to make your partner know that they are desired and that you love them is easy to do and takes no time at all to do. Try writing a sexy message on the bathroom mirror in red lipstick before they get up to go to work. I have from time to time wrapped a note around a candy bar and tied in a saying like: We are "mint" to be together or tonight your may "Skor" (named after the candy bar).
2. Go off the Grid- Get out of dodge and go on a vacation. Yes, your bank account maybe filled will dust bunnies and IOU's from your fertility/family building misadventures but you need to take a recharger and be a couple again. If you are on a budget, go camping. S'mores and one sleeping bag to cuddle up and share included.
3. Date Nights -Remember these? No? Well, just because your family building doesn't mean that these need to go the way of the dodo bird. This is what made you a couple; dates and doing things you enjoy together. Game nights, Red Box/movie rentals, night in at the movies, splurge and go out to eat or you can even go park somewhere and make-out like teenagers. Whatever you do, setting aside time to enjoy each other will help revitalize what it was that gave you those characteristic butterflies from the very first kiss.
4. Sexy Photo Shoot- The whole process of trying to conceive from the upside down handstands after intercourse to many deposits made in a clear cup for sampling has a way of making both partners feel unsexy and undesirable. How about some spontaneity? The latest photography trend on the scene is Boudoir and Pin-up pictures. Not only will you feel sexy again but I am pretty sure your partner will not suspect you will do this. Let's face it the "male deposit" reading material in the fertility clinics are outdated and have been around the clinic block. You will be providing your own personal material for their plastic cup enjoyment.
5. Unplug- What is this you say? No computer, no smart phone, and no TV. Now before you start getting the nervous shakes and your right eye starts to twitch, remember that we are running at 100 miles an hour. Most people have forgotten the lost art of a conversation and instead txt msg 2 talk lol. We simply get lost in the rat race of the day to day. Read a book together, a real one with paper pages. Relax, I am pretty sure with all the electronic overload removed for a day you both with find other ways to entertain yourselves (wink wink).
6. Communicate- When was the last time you just talked? Not about your next doctor's appointment or when you are ovulating again but had a conversation about each other and what is going on in your partner's life outside of infertility. Believe it or not this is the root for why most couples fall out of love. They forgot how to talk to each other as if it was your first date. You will be surprised that even after years of being together you will discover something new about each other.
Valentine's Day is right around the corner but just because there is a celebratory day of romance for couples this should not be the only catalyst for reconnecting with partner. Infertility is isolating for couples, it is also invasive sexually. No matter what path you walk down for building your family, walk it hand in hand.
If you like this post, try checking out our blog at www.ourmisconception.blogspot.com
C&C from MTV's True Life.