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The Girl On The Train - Film Review


The Girl on the Train is the perfect example of how Hollywood has a delightful knack of ruining good books (apologies, to the writer Paula Hawkins for this terrible outcome). The Girl on the Train is also an accurate example of a good actor making a bad career move (my sincerest condolences to Emily Blunt).

Firstly, I was excited to see this film; mainly because I have read the book. And secondly, because the trailer made it look deceivingly good. I can assure you, it is not.

Annoyingly and unnecessarily the film's location has changed; the book was set in London and now it has moved to New York. Why? No idea. It serves no purpose whatsoever. Even so, Emily Blunt's character remains British and the rest of the cast are now American. Again, this is pointless.

Emily Blunt is clearly a great actor, but that still does not save the film. You simply cannot polish a turd. If anything, the film made the plot far more difficult to understand than it had to be. And way longer than necessary. I could have flown to Spain and back in the time it took me to witness Emily Blunt's mental breakdown. The ironic thing is that the film is actually less than two hours long but it felt like forever and that's my point.

Furthermore, Alex from Orange is the New Black in it? I've never known someone to be more miscast in my life. She plays Blunt's flatmate and it most definitely does not suit her. The entire time she was on screen I was picturing her wearing overalls and doing naughty things to girls in prison toilet cubicles. It genuinely distracted from her role.

Lisa Kudrow (Phoebe, Friends) also makes an unexpected appearance in the film which serves as another example of miscasting and again, it is highly distracting. Other than Jennifer Aniston everyone from the cast of Friends has been hit with the curse; it is impossible to watch Kudrow without singing Smelly Cat in your head. Because of this, I most definitely missed out on several key details of the plot. Don't blame me, blame the people who cast her. Furthermore, Kudrow brought nothing to the minuscule role so I do not know why she was even in the film to begin with. Last but not least; Luke Evans is Welsh and has a silly American accent; you cannot tell me that no genuine American actor was available to play his part.

Towards the end, the film becomes so farfetched (and so removed from the book) that I laughed out loud during what might be described as the pinnacle scene. I wasn't alone, there were several other audible giggles in the audience. Out of nowhere the film suddenly metamorphosis into a cross between Scary Movie meets Dumb and Dumber, with a hint of What Lies Beneath. It skips from psychological thriller, to the comedic teenage horror genre.

I must mention that I am extra annoyed because I paid to see The Girl on the Train in an extra big cinema screen with extra comfortable seats and leg room, thinking it would only enhance the great experience that the film was sure to deliver. Not only did I waste that twenty-something pounds, but I have neck ache and I will never get those two hours of my life back. Hindsight is an evil thing. I wish refunds were applicable to underwhelming cinema experiences.

I honestly cannot go into enough detail about how much I feel this film has let me down. So much so, that I will be discussing this with my therapist. Not really, I don't have a therapist. But I might have to get one after seeing this monstrosity.

If you liked the book, do not see the film.

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