12/05/2014 10:59 BST | Updated 10/07/2014 06:59 BST

Things I Noticed About New York

I went to New York for a few days this week. Here are some things I noticed:

1. Every cab smells like Lynx mixed with curry.

2. In order to flag down a cab, you have to stand in the middle of the road, and commit to potentially being run over. The likelihood is you'll get ignored.

3. Their pizzas are more leaning towards cakes.

4. When you ask for a piece of grilled chicken, they give you two. This applies to all foods. Everything comes in twos.

5. One dollar notes make no sense. You always think you're richer than you are.

6. You end up buying way more than you need just because you think it's good value for money and you're doing the right thing.

7. Ordering your salad dressing 'on the side' is a big thing over there.

8. Shop assistants are really good at pretending they're always happy and absolutely love their lives. This makes you want to hurt them.

9. Number 8 means that, for a British person, you're immediate reaction is to want to run out the door as quick as you walked in.

10. The city never sleeps. IT NEVER SLEEPS.

11. It's hard to not look at a cop and laugh. I saw a few who were walking around with a krispy cream in their hand. The doughnut/cop thing is real.

12. Even when you think you're being healthy, you're not.

13. If you're British, you WILL be asked to recite several impromptu sentences to an over-enthusiastic American person who 'just loves your accent.'

14. New York pigeons shit brown stuff, not white.

15. 8/10 people wear New Balance sneakers.

16. New York shops go as follows: Foot Locker, Duane Reade, Foot Locker, McDonalds, Foot Locker, Subway etc.

17. You pay extra in the Disney store from being from the UK. If you go there - LIE.

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Above: A guy I spotted in Times Square. He stopped in the middle of the road and wouldn't let traffic pass. Was definitely on drugs.