The Week That Was: The Games Have Started

15/07/2012 07:53 BST | Updated 13/09/2012 10:12 BST

When the chips are down, go get yourself a manicure. Well, at least, if you're Boris Johnson and the chips are from McDonald's, that appears to be the mantra.

London's mayor enjoyed a trip to the Olympic village's on-site beauty parlour this week, provided - as everything in the Olympic park appears to be - by one of the Games' sponsors, in this case Proctor & Gamble.

After admiring his newly buffed nails in front of what looked like half the world's photographers, and turning down the offer of a haircut (who is advising this man, I mean really?), Boris made time to munch down on some Olympic village food and find time for another photo op with a Diet Coke bottle.

Having been scared half out of my mind last Saturday night when Johnson's voice came booming out of the bus shelter I was sitting in at midnight, I'm probably not the only one looking forward to the Games being over. If nothing else, it should take him off our front pages and back into City Hall or, at the very least, the presenting chair of Have I Got News For You, where you can rely on Ian Hislop to keep him in his place. You yearned to see Hislop pop up in the aforementioned Proctor & Gamble salon with some sharp quip to de-cheese the moment.

An actual photo op worthy of the week's headlines should have seen Boris with hard-hat and pneumatic drill half way down the M4 attempting to fix the road in time for the athletes' arrival next week.

Still, with all that worry, plus the army mobilised to make up the shortfall in security guards, you can't really blame the mayor for trying to find a silver lining - there are certainly plenty of clouds around for him to choose from.

As we inch closer and closer to what should have been Britain's chance to shine on the world's stage, it looks more and more likely that we're going to screw the whole thing up - and I'm one of the half-glass-full types who's been telling taxi drivers to stop moaning and embrace the Olympics, no matter how much they cost us, for the past year. I kept resolutely quiet on that front when one started the familiar refrain on Wednesday, and we debated the slightly less controversial topic of whether John Terry would be acquitted instead.

I mean, we won't even get to see Beckham strut round the stadium and light the flame on the opening night now; do the organisers have no idea what they need to do to keep the home crowd happy?

However, if all else fails, you can point out how much better things are than the last time we attempted to hold an Olympic Games, as Boris himself did in his Telegraph column this week.

Actually, if you want to see the bright side, I suggest you watch the G4S theme tune. Unintentional comedy gold.