Check out that couple over there, having a wonderfully overpriced, candlelit, dinner for two, 'enjoying' their Valentine's Day? He trolls the dating apps under an alias and she can only orgasm with the lights off, imagining Dan the repair man who came round last month to fix the boiler. Don't you just envy them so much? No, not really? Exactly!
So here are 10 reasons why its blooming marvellous to celebrate your singleness this Valentines day!
1. You're saving yourself an absolute fortune
Which means that the money would usually be spent on a lame card and gloriously cramped 'romantic' set menu meal, can now be spent on whatever you desire for little old you. Hello expensive booze, great company, pampering and maybe that bag from Aspinal of London you've been drooling over!
2. You can flirt... and then flirt a little more
You can make eye contact with that hottie at the bar, the new guy at work or even the doctor giving you a thorough physical. This is because, being single means ample guilt free flirting. So go flirt the night away, download Bumble, meet new people (its a great ego boost too)
3. It's fun to go it alone
Being single doesn't mean you have to stay home and cry into that empty tub of ice cream, whilst watching jack die in Titanic. Get out and be social. Grab your girlfriends and go dancing, plan a girls' weekend, just be free. No smug couples allowed!
4. Being single is way better than being in a shitty relationship
No matter who is at fault, clutching on to bad relationship is never a clever choice. Who wants to be in a crappy relationship...that suddenly 'comes good' but once a year. No one. So enjoy the fact you've saved yourself valuable time and go out and make the most of it!
5. You have full control of the remote
No one telling you they want to watch man shows. No, the control is all yours. So you can watch all the sexy TV shows or chick flicks that you want. A bit of uninterrupted Magic Mike man candy, ummm, I think so!
6. Everyone in the bar is single
Not only is it a day for couples, but February 14th is also the biggest single's night of the year. It's the one day when it's pretty safe to say, if a person is out with their mates, they're either single or in a really bad relationship that is likely to end pretty soon. So go on and get fishing.
7. You don't have to deal with gross PDAs
If you're anything like me and can't deal with public displays of affection, Vally day can be pretty life threateningly nauseating. I'd rather have a 12 inch dildo fall out of my in a library, than be bought a single rose by a man on a date. Seriously!
8. Saint Valentine was single
So at least you know the truth.
9. No judgement
Being single on V Day means you can get wasted as much as you want without being told to grow up or pull yourself together. So you can flash your tits to random strangers on the way home, why? because you can!
10. Next day Choccy's are dead cheap
You can buy as much half-priced or clearance chocolates as you can on February 15th. Just because it's wrapped in red foil and shaped into a heart, doesn't mean its inedible. Plus everyone loves a tasty bargain.