31/07/2013 06:52 BST | Updated 29/09/2013 06:12 BST

The Romance of Orgasm


31st July is National Orgasm Day in the UK.

A day celebrating orgasm seems wonderfully un-British. But I've long felt that the stereotype of unsexy Britain is inaccurate. Perhaps we're just less obvious about the sizzle.

This got me thinking about un-obvious questions regarding sex. For example, 'Why do we have sex?' Its a question that never gets asked because it feels like the answer should be obvious.

But serious attention to any subject demands that the question, 'Why?' be properly considered.

So, why do we have sex? Reasons might include sating sexual appetite; expressing sexual attraction; or even just releasing built up energy/tension.

However, instead of looking for a pre-existing reason for sex, the more interesting interpretation of, 'Why?' is, 'What is your intention in having sex?'

It takes self awareness and significant mental energy to approach sex in this way. But choosing an intention for sex, rather than simply responding to the body's appetite, makes sex more fulfilling.

Orgasm - the peak release of sexual energy can also be a peak expression of self. The orgasmic body is in a state of heightened awareness with the entire central nervous system keenly pulsing with energy. At its best, it is a highly unusual, non-mundane, state of body-mind consciousness. Many have called it a spiritual state of awareness.

So what if the intention in having sex with your partner is to gift them an orgasmic experience - the really good sort? Not the sort of orgasm that feels like you've scratched an itch that needed scratching, but the sort that blows their mind.

From this point of view, sex becomes a romance - nothing to do with Cupid, but an unapologetically physical act of devotion. In intentional sex the body becomes a space of full self-expression. Sharing orgasm in this way demands more mental - and possibly more physical - energy, but the experience leaves a deeper and more nourishing impact.