Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between.
Somehow married people on X, formerly known as Twitter, continue to find humor in the minutiae of married life. Every week, we round up the funniest marriage tweets on the platform. Read on for 23 relatable ones that will have you laughing in agreement.
My husband sent me a photo to show he changed the overhead light in our stairwell, and I thought about sending him photos of everything I accomplish in a day but that would break the internet.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) October 1, 2023
Me: I could totally go to bed
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) October 1, 2023
Wife: it’s 6pm
Me: Oh, later than I thought
My husband & I just snuck off for a quickie.
— Kelly (@kelly__le) October 1, 2023
And by quickie, I mean we hid in the bathroom & quickly ate cookies away from the kid.
asked my husband if he liked my outfit & he was like “…have you had that shirt since like, 2003?” so I had to sit him down & explain to him how utterly cool & fashionable I am
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) October 1, 2023
I can’t decide whether I’d prefer my husband to not put things away or to put them away but in his own way?
— Laura prefers the bird (@ericamorecambe) September 29, 2023
My husband is watching a YouTube video to figure out how to fix my car because “it’ll be easy” so I guess I’m dying today.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 27, 2023
We may not have reached all of our financial and life goals as a couple, but my wife of over 20 years and I completed a corn maze together without a single fight and had fun doing it so we’re just going to take that as our sign of a successful marriage.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) October 1, 2023
It's hard having a survivalist as a husband, because I know if society collapses he's going to want me to try living through it.
— CynicalTherapist (@CynicalTherapi1) October 1, 2023
Dog: falls asleep
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 27, 2023
Wife: takes 5 pictures
Me: I thought you said you were taking these boxes to the garage
— Not the Nanny (@not_thenanny) October 1, 2023
My Husband: Yeah, at some point
Our 7 YO, from the other room: That means she wants you to do it now!
Regret to inform you I know I love my husband because occasionally I have dreams where I’m married to someone else but I keep seeing my husband around and being like “wait but who is THAT guy?”
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) September 28, 2023
Me: Write it down, we need milk, eggs, toilet paper, juice and bread
— Natasha Huckfield (@dramadelinquent) September 30, 2023
Husband: No need, I'll remember
(an hour later)
Me: What did you buy?
Husband: A panda
My mom and my wife are doing a craft show together which is why I have a feeling Thanksgiving will be canceled this year.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) September 30, 2023
We are so jettlagged and my husband who is watering the plants just asked which plants I already watered and I said "the green one" and he's frustrated with this answer because "they're all green!" and we're trying to stay awake until 8:00 to combat the jet lag I'm so tired help
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) October 1, 2023
My wife: *walks into the bedroom*
— Heather Hogan (@theheatherhogan) September 26, 2023
Me, snapping out of a trance: Oh thank god you’re here, I was about to get into a fight with the men in the comments on a WNBA post.
My wife has a great movie recommendation but she doesn’t remember the title. She says it stars the same person who was in the other movie but she can't remember that title either.
— Jew in a Canoe ✡️ (@WillieHandler) September 28, 2023
When your husband suggests other ideas for a room when you’ve just arranged it exactly how you want it.
— Laura prefers the bird (@ericamorecambe) October 2, 2023
WIFE: [texting from party] I'm starting to get headaches when I'm in these social situations.
— FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF (@sofarrsogud) September 30, 2023
ME: Sounds like you have 'hi' blood pressure.
HER: I hate you.
Received this car text from my wife, and I quote: "Hey Siri text I am on my way mommy mommy mommy HOLD ON!"
— Draggin Father Behind (@DragginFatherB) October 2, 2023
Husband: You have so many rules.
— Michele (@marvelousmrsmom) September 29, 2023
Me: Your point?
It’s that time of year where my husband does the most by taking on his second job of armchair referee.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) October 1, 2023
No extra income but extra irritating.
Some couples exercise together.
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) October 1, 2023
My wife and I send each other videos when we're in the same room.
There are those who can’t relax when there are dishes in the sink and those who don’t even notice dishes in the sink and they marry each other.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) October 2, 2023