Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Although Twitter has rebranded to X, the humour lives on.
Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on the social media platform to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!
I’m giving dirty looks to this dad at the cafe whose kid is being obnoxious but he’s not doing anything about it so I guess I’m going to have to deal with it because he’s my kid too or whatever
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) September 24, 2023
My son just informed me it’s illegal for 9 year olds to eat broccoli.
— Kelly (@kelly__le) September 27, 2023
My son and my little sister (she's 8) ripped open a bean bag chair to see what's inside. It made a huge mess. She wrote us this note and showed it to us before the big reveal pic.twitter.com/pS8dNbv7NY
— king lazy bones (@tenderlilguy) September 25, 2023
Before becoming a parent I never knew that the way you cut a peanut butter sandwich could be embarrassing to your child
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) September 27, 2023
Now that my kid is in high school, I’m trying to be his silent sideline support system, but last night he told me his English teacher is making him put 2 spaces after a period, and HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO NOT INTERVENE?!?
— Sara Moore Wagner (@SaraMooreWagne1) September 27, 2023
Ordered new coats for my kids and for convenience I had them shipped directly to their school’s lost and found section
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) September 27, 2023
kids are such tiny little CEOs, I just brought my 5 year old the “wrong” kind of string cheese and she was like WHAT IS THIS TRASH
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) September 23, 2023
Preschool wants us to print out photos a make a collage of all our family members, which is actually an impossible task bc printing out photos is impossible but I went to CVS, fought with the photo machine and DID IT. Got home, the 3yo was like "you forgot a photo of the snail"
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) September 27, 2023
My toddler calls my siblings “Uncle Toe” and “Aunt Cake” and I hope he calls them that until the end of time.
— emily (@emilykmay) September 23, 2023
my kid isn't watching a cartoon about cartoon dogs who are EMT's unless it is made clear to viewers which of the dogs have dicks https://t.co/g9dYf8crOU
— Erin "Undead Skeleton" Ryan (@morninggloria) September 27, 2023
My teen said I’m annoying but not the most annoying person she’s ever met and that sounds like a challenge to me.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) September 26, 2023
And to my kids I leave an endless supply of screenshotted recipes that I never made but also refused to delete. With these images I also bequeath a drawer full of condiments and sporks from all the takeout we had instead.
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) September 25, 2023
my gas mower died so I replaced it with an electric one. It doesn't smoke or smell and is really quiet and now I don't know how I'm supposed to alert the rival dads when I'm beating them to cutting the grass
— 🌜🤷♂️Dad Moon Rising 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) September 26, 2023
I don’t understand people who don’t have kids. What do they do in their spare time? Relax? Enjoy peace and quiet? Finish a complete thought???
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 26, 2023
last night 8 told me while crying that his excuse for why he can't go to bed was because he "forgot" how to go to sleep.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) September 25, 2023
[5:00 AM, in a harsh whisper]
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 24, 2023
Daddy, don't worry, you can sleep. I'm making my own breakfast, how do you turn on the stove?
Me: I'm up.
My 6yo said he doesn’t want a birthday party next year. He just wants his friends to come to our house, drop off some presents and leave. I think he’s completed his metamorphosis into an introvert.
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) September 24, 2023
Sex ed for teens should include loading kids, stroller, and groceries/sports equipment into the car while it’s pouring rain.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) September 24, 2023
My 5yo got some Pokémon cards and neither of us knows how to play, so we’re just taking turns putting cards down until we run out and I declare him the winner
— meghan (@deloisivete) September 24, 2023