Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Although Twitter has rebranded to X, the humor lives on.
Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on the social media platform to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!
My 3yo (who is extremely clean for a toddler) keeps crying at mealtimes because “I don’t like watching the baby eat, she’s so messy” and honestly, same
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) September 17, 2023
Took my 6 y/o daughter to a college football game and my dream of turning her into a fan quickly faded when she asked to go home in the first quarter because “we just watched this game on TV last week.”
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) September 18, 2023
I’ve been texting with “Isla’s mom” for 3 years. When is a good time to ask her her name?
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) September 18, 2023
last night i threatened my boys that i would take electronics away for a month and i'm praying hard that i don't have to follow through on that after today. the dumbass things you say as a parent in the heat of the moment..
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) September 20, 2023
Why am I the only dad here for parent-teacher conferences? Am I the only dad who can take time off work? The only dad to view this as a parenting duty, not a mommy duty? The only dad who often marks the wrong date on his calendar? The conferences are tomorrow, aren't they? Dammit
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) September 20, 2023
Now begins the season where I tell myself eating 20 mini candy bars is healthier than eating 1 regular sized candy bar.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 19, 2023
I saw joy in a mom’s eye when her kid brought back 2 jackets from school yesterday.
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) September 19, 2023
She didn’t even know the second one was theirs
My daughter made a to-do list for her day and it included “have fun” and “be responsible” and now I need her to make me a list too
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) September 19, 2023
They call them kids because they
— Big, Bad Caffeinated Dad 🇳🇿 ☕ (@Cafeinated_Dad) September 17, 2023
*under breath* ᵍᵒᵗᵗᵃ ᵇᵉ ᵏⁱᵈᵈⁱⁿᵍ ᵐᵉ ʷⁱᵗʰ ᵗʰⁱˢ ˢʰⁱᵗ!
On my son’s birthday each year, I like to think back to 2017 when Carvel wrote “Happy 2th Birthday” on his cake
— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) September 18, 2023
Parenting is weird because you find yourself saying things like: that was a cute story but you know if you ever meet a real bear with a toothache you shouldn’t try to help it, right?
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) September 19, 2023
A cooking show where a professional chef comes into my kitchen when I haven’t been grocery shopping for 2 weeks and has to make a meal that my entire family will eat.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) September 19, 2023
showed 16 zoolander and she said ben stiller looks like discount paul rudd
— nika (@nikalamity) September 18, 2023
A friend handed my 7yo a coloring page as a gift, and my kid looked at it and muttered jesus christ. So I thought oh no I better watch how I talk around him, then he flipped it over and showed me...baby jesus
— meghan (@deloisivete) September 18, 2023
Leaving the park with my kids, we discovered a bunch of guys sitting and smoking on the hood of our car, and I'm proud to report I was Stern* and Confrontational** about it
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) September 21, 2023
*said "dude!" quietly
**pushed the lock button on my key fob to beep the horn and slightly startle them
Nobody told me about the toddlers that follow you around all day and narrate the entire experience.
— emily (@emilykmay) September 18, 2023
“mommy make-up eyes!”
“one eye…..two eyes!”
“that is a potty”
“mommy put on socks”
My parents are married and live together but my toddler has already figured out it’s “Grandma’s house”
— The Mom Hack (@TheMomHack) September 18, 2023