Even the best marriages have their ups and downs. If you want to successfully weather some of the bumpier patches as a couple, try looking for the little moments of humour in your daily life together.
Instead of rolling your eyes in disgust when your spouse bugs you, why not laugh at the fact you’ll simply never see eye to eye on the importance of throw pillows, the proper time to set the alarm or the appropriate window for folding and putting away clean laundry.
Below, we’ve gathered 28 tweets that hilariously speak the truth about married life.
Instead of telling my husband to have a great day, I put a shitload of extra cheese in his eggs. Same thing.
— Stacey (@skittle624) August 22, 2019
Me: *crying during a dog food commercial*
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) August 20, 2019
Husband: *slowly backs out of the room*
If my wife thinks I won’t pick a fight in public because the waitress is uncomfortable, well she’s just wrong about that.
— Aunt Chelle 🌍 🇺🇸 🏳️🌈 (@ravenswng_) August 17, 2019
I kind of wish my spouse would get a side piece but only for talking endlessly about our home security system.
— Betty (@BoomBoomBetty) August 14, 2019
my introvert wife has spent a great deal of time, effort, and money making our house more appealing to visitors she will never invite over and doesn’t want to see
— Josh the Alwrighty (@Tryptofantastic) August 25, 2019
Why does my husband think if he presses really hard on the remote it will make the batteries less dead???
— MommaG (@TheOnlyMommaG) June 29, 2019
My husband and I get along better since realizing how much our yelling upsets the dog.
— Darlin’ Darla (@Darlainky) August 22, 2019
My wife had a few cocktails at dinner and wants to swing by the disco on our way home...so if anyone needs me, I’ll be in 1979.
— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) August 14, 2019
Before you marry someone:
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) July 28, 2019
1. Listen to them eat a bowl of cereal.
2. Ask them which side of the bed they sleep on.
3. Watch them brush their teeth.
4. Make sure you are temperature compatible.
5. Survive one cold and flu season at minimum.
Me: [giving my husband a tutorial on how to put the throw pillows on the bed]
— Anna Grace (@graceupongracie) July 30, 2019
Him: I don’t want to be an adult anymore
Husband: um....what are you doing?
— Tired Punk (The Meanest Queer) (@motherlyqueer) August 21, 2019
Me, sitting in a summoning circle composed of my flannels and leather jackets, holding an entire pot of coffee over a pumpkin pie: I MISS AUTUMN, OK? JUST LET ME DO THIS
What kind of monster sets their alarm to go off 5 minutes before yours?
— Stone (@StoneAgeRadio13) August 22, 2019
My wife.
Husband: *crying* Please don’t do this to our family. I beg you.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) August 19, 2019
Me: *adding another diy home improvement to my Pinterest board*
My wife would like you all to know that her love for me knows no bounds but I am off work this week with nothing to do, so maybe it knows some bounds.
— Jester D (@JustMeTurtle) August 14, 2019
Me asleep with an imperceptible nose whistle, wife makes me go to the guest room.
— Bart (@bartandsoul) August 17, 2019
The dog snores, farts, growls, and drools on the pillow, wife makes him the little spoon.
Me [doing my wife’s laundry]: WHY DOES EVERY ARTICLE OF YOUR CLOTHING HAVE ANOTHER ARTICLE OF CLOTHING SEWN INSIDE IT
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) August 26, 2019
No matter how hot the night is, never underestimate how cold your wife’s feet will be when she puts them on your back.
— Crockett™️ (@CrockettForReal) August 25, 2019
Me: *chewing loudly* I will eat LITERALLY anything with tzatziki on it.
— Mummy Dear (@ThatMummyLife) August 26, 2019
Husband: Is that... is that a shoe?
Husband and I like to spend our weekends shouting ‘what did you say?!’ from another room
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) August 19, 2019
I like to keep my husband on his toes by texting, “How could you do this to me?” at least 2 times per day.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) August 16, 2019
Even though my wife doesn't do yoga I can't make fun of her for wearing yoga pants when I never went parachuting in the 80's.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) July 30, 2019
There are certain life questions that need careful consideration. Like, is your marriage strong enough to sustain an IKEA assembly situation?
— stace (@girl_a_whirl) August 15, 2019
Wife: *looking at three baskets full of my clothes* You need to do laundry.
— the drake gatsby ✨ (@DrakeGatsby) August 16, 2019
Me: No, two of those are clean.
Nobody:
— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) August 17, 2019
Wife: I think I’ll put this cereal box containing only the small dusty bits back into the pantry because somebody may want to eat it someday.
Taking my husband’s last name doesn’t mean I’m not a feminist it means I don’t want anyone I went to high school with to be able to find me ever again
— Asia (@AsiaDNYC) August 5, 2019
If by sexting you mean I message my husband in the middle of his work day to inform him our favorite show has a new season out...THEN, yes, I sext.#marriage#love
— Melicious Mama (@Melicious_Mama) August 21, 2019
If you are arguing with your wife and you have pizza stains on the front of your shirt you are going to lose
— Bart (@bartandsoul) August 19, 2019
My husband doesn’t know I picked up tacos for us earlier. Mine are gone. His are still here. He doesn’t know about them. I’m sure you see my problem.
— Rabbit (@vinylrabbit) August 17, 2019
Related
Before You Go
