Halloween comes with many highs and lows for parents of young kids.
On the one hand, there are the cute costumes. On the other hand, there are the endless visits to the shops to pick out a new costume every time a child changes their mind. On the one hand, the opportunity to rifle through an impressive sweet stash to enjoy your favourites. On the other hand, dealing with tantrums from a kid who wants to eat their Halloween treats morning, noon and night.
You get the point. Fortunately, the funny parents of Twitter have turned to the platform to vent their frustration and share some hilarious musings about Halloween season. Keep scrolling for 31 scarily relatable examples.
A child brings so much joy to a parent’s life: their laughter, their smile, their Halloween candy
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 2, 2020
A cool thing about being a parent is that I don’t have to buy a Halloween costume because I naturally look like a zombie from The Walking Dead.
— The Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) October 21, 2018
No one:
— WitchyMama 💚🎃💛 (@michimama75) October 6, 2022
Absolutely no one:
6: The fun thing about Halloween is you can pretend blood is juice!
The average parent gains 2.7 lbs from safety-checking their kids Halloween candy.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 1, 2021
This year for Halloween decorations I’m just using printouts of the school emails
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) October 26, 2022
My first grader wants to go to a haunted house. Not a pretend one, a real one. "I want to fight a ghost," were his exact words.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) October 27, 2022
My mother goes as a broken record every year for Halloween, which is just her following behind me, telling me what a terrible parent I am.
— Ms. Havisham (@MissHavisham) October 14, 2019
Shoutout to parents who were trying to plan ahead but are already returning a Halloween costume.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 13, 2021
My 4yo said a ghost doesn't have a butt, they have a booo-ty so looks like he's getting a jump on everyone else with his Halloween joke material.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) September 27, 2022
Want to be really scary on Halloween? Pass out slime... parents will be terrified.
— The (fraidy) Baby Lady 😱 (@thebabylady7) October 25, 2018
10-year-old: What are we going to use to carry our Halloween candy?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 21, 2022
Me: What do you think we should use?
10: A wheelbarrow.
I don’t know how it all went so wrong but when presented with a giant bowl of Halloween candy, 6 grabbed Whoppers and a Tootsie Roll instead of the Reese’s.
— WitchyMama 💚🎃💛 (@michimama75) October 15, 2022
My 12-year-old wants to dress up as a scarecrow this Halloween so he can sit unmoving in front of the house and scare every kid that comes to get candy, and I’m struggling to think of more reasons to say no than “your mom will get mad.”
— The Dad (@thedad) October 16, 2022
Halloween is the best because it’s the one day my kids go around demanding snacks from everyone else.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) October 31, 2018
8yo: I want to paint my pumpkin this year!
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) October 29, 2017
Me: Cool, what color?
8yo: Orange!
Me:
8yo:
Me: *pours drink* Let's do it
When I was a kid my Mom told us witches snatch up kids on Halloween night to sacrifice them to the Devil and that's why I needed to be home earlier.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) October 31, 2019
But now that I'm at a parent I'm 99.6% sure she said that just because she wanted to eat our candy and go to bed early.
Shoutout to everyone making their kids Halloween costumes this week. I feel you, I am you, why are we like this.
— tiffany hunter (@lifeattiffanys) October 24, 2022
I’m not saying 6 needs to work on her enunciation but she told Alexa to play Halloween Favorites so now we are listening to the Hall and Oates station.
— WitchyMama 💚🎃💛 (@michimama75) October 7, 2022
To all my fellow parents,
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) October 31, 2018
Happy "I'm more scared of my kid(s) after they eat candy than ANY horror movie" day.
Happy Halloween to all you other childless jerks who will be well-rested tomorrow.
Parental PSA: 6 days left until Halloween.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) October 26, 2022
(Translation: 5 days until your child decides she hates the costume she picked a month ago & wants that a different one. No, not the one in stock- THAT OTHER ONE.)
Dads love telling other dads while trick or treating, “You scared me, Bob. Next time don’t come dressed as yourself”
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) October 27, 2022
Age 10: when I’m an adult I’ll hand out king sized candy bars on Halloween. And kids can take as many as they want. I won’t be all cheap like my parents.
— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) October 26, 2019
Age 37: listen, Thor. You get one tootsie roll. One! Take more than one and I’m taking your hammer to pay the mortgage.
The sign up sheet for my son’s class Halloween party just came out but I don’t see Jell-O shots on there so I’m not going to that loser party.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 26, 2022
my daughter has confused the name for the school halloween activity calling it trick or trunk and now it’s starting to sound more like a kidnapping than a fun outing to get candy
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) October 26, 2022
Halloween Tip: parents, do reconnaissance of the area where you plan on trick or treating. Find the houses most likely to give out full size candy bars for the kids and offering alcohol for the adults.
— John Carpenter’s The Alex Nevil (@TheAlexNevil) October 14, 2018
Driving in October is so fun because every time my kid yells "spider!" I get to have a little panic attack until realizing it was just someone's Halloween decoration
— meghan (@deloisivete) October 26, 2022
8-year-old: I've been thinking a lot.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 18, 2022
Me: About what?
8: What I'm going to do with all my Halloween candy.
[at Halloween store]
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 27, 2022
Me: Store security just stopped me.
Wife: WHY?
Me: They thought I was stealing a Sexy Dad costume.
Wife: [leaves]
Award for the best actress goes to my 6YO, for her performance as a devastated and deprived child, every time she wants to eat her Halloween candy
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) November 2, 2021
A real haunted house would have a bunch of kids following you around asking random questions and then asking why? right after you answer it, and toddlers randomly throwing tantrums.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) October 8, 2019
Ok I just need to think like a 39-year-old
— meghan (@deloisivete) October 28, 2022
-my 6yo, trying to find the Halloween candy I hid