Chores: the one parenting topic on which all the experts actually agree. Kids should be doing them.
Kids: universal oath that said chores must be avoided at all costs, whined about excessively, completed haphazardly — and only after substantial compensation is negotiated.
Parents: painfully aware of the state the house is in, depleted from all the fruitless nagging, yet somehow managing to hang on to hope that a chore chart will do the trick this time. Also, not entirely losing their sense of humour, as evidenced by these tweets.
My kid’s assignment was to write about her chores, so I asked her if she started it with “Once Upon a Time” because kids doing chores only happens in fairytales.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) September 8, 2023
6-year-old: I don't want to help clean the house.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 12, 2016
Me: It doesn't have to be a chore. It can be fun.
6: You can have my fun for me.
I made a chore chart for my kids, and I'm positive this is the one. This is the chore chart that will change my life.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) December 3, 2023
We’re going to give our kids gold star stickers for each chore they complete and at the end of the week we will add up the stars on the chart and then completely forget about the whole thing.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 2, 2019
Son: I've agreed to do one chore a week
— The Dad (@thedad) October 4, 2022
Me: I think you can double that
Son: Okay... one chore every 2 weeks
Me: clean your rooms
— Linda Tirado (@KillerMartinis) October 23, 2021
Kid: THIS IS FASCISM WHY DO I HAVE TO DO THIS NO OTHER KIDS HAVE TO DO THIS
Me: no screens until it’s done
Kid: I DON’T CARE BANISH ME FOREVER
Me: I’m going to the store at 3 and anyone with finished chores can come get a pumpkin
Kid: *decides to clean*
Kids' Math for Saturday Chores:
— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) February 20, 2016
Time spent crying/whining over chore is exactly 9x the amount of time it takes to actually complete chore.
The look on my Kindergartener’s face when I read his Mother’s Day Coupon Book out loud. 😳
— Be Kind Of Witty (@bekindofwitty) May 6, 2022
Poor kid blissfully colored in that little book, having no idea he was agreeing to help with chores.
“UGH, you’re ALWAYS making me do chores!” - any kid who’s asked to do a chore for the first time in 2 weeks
— SpacedMom (@copymama) January 30, 2022
First day of summer vacation so I told my kids to propose a daily chore list and a fair compensation system and long story short, I just got home from work and I guess I already owe them $725 and a trip to Disneyland.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) June 7, 2021
My kid is capable of doing any chore as long as I don’t ask him to do it.
— 🧣Mad Hatter Mommy!!!❄️ (@MadHatterMommy) September 7, 2022
as a kid, I thought I was outsmarting my dad when I hid outside instead of doing chores... but now I'm like oh
— Village Person (@SvnSxty) August 30, 2022
My kid: “So… like.. do we just do chores every day and every day until we die?”
— Jewel Staite (@JewelStaite) January 25, 2022
My kid got so bored he asked to do chores, so if you need me, I'll be over here on my fainting couch
— meghan (@deloisivete) August 1, 2023
Never underestimate the memory of a kid whose sibling didn’t help with chores one time three years ago.
— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) September 3, 2022
My 7yo when he forgets to do HW or chores: “I’m just a kid!”
— Vu Le (with one E) (@NonprofitAF) December 4, 2020
My 7yo any other time: “On 11/26/18 at 9:17am, a sunny Monday with intermittent clouds, you said that in 2 years you would get me a Voltron Lego set. You said, and I quote, ‘mm-hmm,’ which is a legally binding yes.”
We rotate chores for the kids each week. This week son was on laundry duty. He just…lost an entire load of kid clothes. Like, we can’t find them anywhere in the house, yard, garage, storage. Anywhere
— Jason Warner (@jasoncwarner) October 24, 2022
I’m semi convinced it’s an attempt to be taken off future laundry duty
Is there a phenomenon where men/children decide to do chores/clean, but they do it so loudly the whole time that it is almost worse than if they did nothing? Does anyone else experience this?
— Shaindel Beers 🍻 (@shaindelr) May 22, 2022
Husband and kid are supposed to be housecleaning while I grade, but 😬
My 11 y/o daughter wanted an allowance so we started negotiating a chores list but she put up her hand after a couple minutes and said, “Okay, this is great, but like when do we work in some self-care here?” Kids always know who to put first.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) December 12, 2022
Son: do you have any extra chores I can do to earn money?
— Tessa the RedNosed Rein-Dare (@TessaDare) December 16, 2021
Me: sure. How much are you looking to earn.
Son: $500
Uh… this house only has so much grout, kid.
Everyday now our 2 yr old will be like “dada go wash dishes?” and “mommy vacuum now?”
— nicoco (@PetiteNicoco) December 23, 2023
When his toys are all over the floor he’ll say “you guys clean up now?” 😂
Like…I never expected my kid to be giving US chores to do, I thought it would be the other way around.
My son just whined that he was bored and my wife whipped up a chore list so fast, I think she might have a superpower
— The Dad (@thedad) July 18, 2019
My daughter is currently in the basement doing her chore while blasting @taylorswift13 “Mean” in case you’re wondering what level of sass & pettiness an adorable 6YO is capable of…
— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) September 11, 2021
I made a chore chart for my kids, and this morning I noticed my son erased everything on his list and just wrote relaxing. The chore chart has spoken.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) July 21, 2020
Make life interesting by giving your preteen the chore of putting away dishes so you can
— NatashaAnn (@looksliketuttut) August 22, 2020
a) never find anything ever again, and
b) narrowly avoid death from a pots and pans avalanche every time you open the cabinet
Me: "Who's the best sweeper? I need a good one."
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) September 20, 2016
7y.o, pointing to 5y.o: "SHE is!"
Damn. Time to dig deeper into my bag of chore tricks.
If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.
— The Mom at Law® (@TheMomAtLaw) July 23, 2018
If you want to make a mother laugh, show her your chore chart.
I taught my son how to vacuum. He learned how to unravel the cord, recline the vacuum, turn it on, move it back and forth, and how to get your mom to do the chore for you by pretending to be clueless.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) March 9, 2022
I just made a chore chart for my 10-month-old, in case any of you were questioning my commitment to raising responsible adults.
— The Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) May 2, 2016
My dad told my daughter she was the best duster ever then leaned in to me and whispered “if you tell kids they’re amazing at the chore they don’t bitch about doing it” and suddenly I’m questioning if I really was the most amazing weed-puller he ever saw
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) January 18, 2024
My kids understand that the most important part of any five-minute chore is the forty-five minutes they spend fighting over who's going to do it.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 2, 2022
“I did a chore once...”
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) July 26, 2019
-my 7yo
Picking up armfuls of toys, I look up with dirty hair framing my soulless eyes.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) October 24, 2017
“A chore chart?” I say haggardly. “Yeah, I had one once.”
Kids are so fucking mercurial
— Linda Tirado (@KillerMartinis) January 19, 2021
Two days ago it was a screaming meltdown because fifteen minutes of chores was, according to the kid, “literal child labor, mom” and today it’s “maybe if I do my chores I’ll find my lost toy, great idea mom!”
No one is full of more false hope than a parent with a new chore chart.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 25, 2018