Whether or not you want to get dressed up and get wasted until 4am on New Year’s Eve is irrelevant. The sad news, my friend, is that ship has sailed.
Mainly because you’re sleep-deprived up to the eyeballs but when you’ve got a young family, good luck finding a babysitter who isn’t getting wasted.
These are the eight ways New Year’s Eve is different before and after becoming a parent.
1. The outfit.
Before: Weeks of planning, sequins, lipstick, glitter, and floor-length ball gowns held together by tit tape.
After: Anything with an elasticated waistband, that is able to conceal the Christmas food baby.
2. The plans.
Before: Formulated in late September, involve spending half of your salary on club entry, and getting so drunk you think it is NYE 1994.
After: Deciding at 4 o’clock on the 31 December that you’ll be spending your evening on the sofa with Jools Holland.
3. The drink of choice.
Before: Anything and everything. Not forgetting a completely unnecessary round of Tequila shots.
After: Drinking a whole bottle of wine. Followed by several cups of tea. And a biscuit.
4. The midnight kiss.
Before: Kissing someone you’d never met before, and strongly suspect you will never see again.
After: Being totally satisfied kissing your pets, partner and/or small child.
5. The journey home.
Before: Taking seven night buses, a train, an Uber and losing all your friends along the way.
After: Rolling from the sofa to your bed (and still complaining it is too far).
6. The bed time.
Before: Whenever you finally manage to locate your house keys.
After: No later than 11.48pm.
7. The next morning.
Before: Suffering a hangover that can only be cured by a platter of fried food.
After: Being woken up at 5.30am to entertain a grumpy toddler.
8. The resolutions.
Before: No more drinking.
After: No more drinking.