Up all night, covered in filth, ears constantly ringing... When you think about it, a weekend at Glastonbury is pretty damn close to life at home with toddlers.
Drink plenty of water. So you can enjoy the moment your toddler gives you the three second warning that they NEED A WEE RIGHT NOW, RIGHT NOW MUMMY, NOW as you're in the middle of breastfeeding, on a pebble beach, with about 90% of the world's baby equipment spread out on a picnic blanket in front of you, at least half a mile from any kind of public loo...
Every year there are the same old debates about whether the school summer holidays are too long and could be spread more evenly around the rest of the year. But that doesn't deal with the essential issue of parents' holidays not in any way equalling those their children get, even if each parent takes them separately.
When it came to booking our first family holiday, I didn't hesitate to go abroad - in fact staying at home didn't even come into the question. We did our research and decided on Sardinia. A two-hour flight away, with Caribbean style beaches - just the tonic after a crazy year.
How many times do we see parents look over at their kids with heads down on devices and hear them say, with both relief and guilt, "what did we do before iPads?". The tablet obsession may have had its day though according to recent reports.
It's funny really, because we all like to think spending time with our friends and family is the most precious thing in the world. It's what we all strive for. It's what matters. Yet finding time to do so almost feels impossible. Of course, we try.
Frequent flyer programmes have been around for many years, and now gaining children's loyalty is beginning to gather more momentum, with some airlines promoting this service amongst many other child friendly initiatives.
With three kids that have enough energy between them to run a duracell power station, I intend to fill the garden with as much entertainment as possible to help survive the summer before school starts! Here are my top picks for garden toys that have been tried, tested and approved by three VISP's (very important small people)...
Your offspring is not only bouncing off the walls but doing flipping triple somersaults as a results of consuming three times their body weight in sugar. You actually google the symptoms of a sugar induced coma. Just in case.
Poppy Pickle's imagination tends to get her into trouble with her parents. But no more so than when her imaginations begin to come to life. There's bags of humour both in the words and the illustrations for little ones to revel in here.
We took our boy to his first music festival when he was just weeks old. He did his first camping festival at the age of three. It is now just after his 5th birthday and after our first festival of the year that it has come to my attention that some people frown upon taking children to festivals.
How did we find ourselves in Rome? You have an invitation to Aix-en-Provence followed by a spin in Verona, then you find yourself in Cinque Terre, well Florence isn't that far away, and when you're in Florence you can't miss seeing Rome!
As a mum I'm aware that most of the things I say to my children are lies. Not big fat lies like that time I told my daughter it's illegal for children to have their own packet of crisps, just small untruths, things that don't mean exactly what they say.
I'd like to think, at the grand old age of 27, that I'd outgrown the built-in dread I felt anytime my parents drew attention to themselves - but unfortunately, it seems I'm still hot-wired to glow red. The only difference is that now I kind of love them for all of their cringe-worthy traits.
Officially summer has been here for a while, but the weather hasn't quite cottoned on. If the traditional image of summer is one of relaxation and strawberries and cream, then think again. Summer can present a number of challenges for parents of school-aged children, particularly if they are working.
I was kind of hoping to discover I was a nature loving, rugged, female Bear Grylls. Instead I found out I like to feel clean, sleep in a bed and have a toddler proofed room and showers without other peoples hair in them.