As the eve of the New Year approached I found myself as many others, reflecting on the year that has been. I think its human nature to look back, whether good or bad. And It can be easier to focus on one rather than the other, the key to moving into the New Year with the best attitude is to have some balance on the previous years reflections.
For once, as I enter into the new year, my focus isn’t to change everything that I am. I’m not focusing entirely on the lows of 2018, fretting on how I’ll make unrealistic changes to become the person I have always wanted to be. I’m not drunkenly singing in the new year because I need to feel comfortable in my own skin and need the confidence. I don’t feel the need to judge anyone else for staying in, heading out, making resolutions or not. This year I feel different because today is another day on my journey.
This week I won’t change everything, but I’ll continue changing, improving and focusing on being a happier, healthier person in mind and body. I’m not going to set deadlines, due to my condition of borderline personality disorder I don’t react well to these, but I’m setting action targets, goals and making plans. I genuinely feel like I’m on the marathon not sprint journey.
I’ve spent so many New Year’s eves crying over the things the previous year had brought me, and don’t get me wrong, some years really have been, I don’t judge anyone who is looking forward to starting afresh. I’ve spent New Years eves hiding behind huge amounts of alcohol, I’ve also didn’t New Years eves crying, promising the next year will be better, I don’t judge anyone who is doing this this year.
I just want to move forward, I want to learn the lessons the past has taught me, I don’t want to forget the bad times. These are the events and situations that have made me who I am. They have built my experience, my resilience and have trained me and prepared me for what is yet to come. I also don’t want to put rose tinted glasses on, believing that it was the best year ever and nothing will ever top it. I made incredible amazing memories, but they will stay with me and empower me to make more memories in the future, I want to be objective, to balance the year of 2018 and take those things I’ve learnt and experienced in 2019. making me a better person. I want to achieve more, but not all tomorrow or in the first month, failing miserably after a few days. I want to set goals which are achievable and matter. I also want to make a difference, not just to my life, but others.
My aims and hopes for 2019 are simple, to develop. To take myself to a better place at a steady pace, learning consistently as I go. I want to try new things, experience new things, meet new people, visit new places, leatn new teachings. I go into 2019 with hope and much less anxiety than I have for many years. I am the only one that can make this new year be the best it can be and I will do my very best.