The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

My teen daughter couldn’t decide what style of glasses to get so my husband suggested a pair like mine and she’s managed to narrow it down to anything but that.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 17, 2021

“This could’ve been an email”- me at my daughter’s recital.

— Mark Chalifoux (@markchalifoux) July 19, 2021

8 doesn't want us to see him in his underwear anymore but instead of putting pajamas on he wears a blanket or just tells us "don't look at me" and i don't think he's going to be a problem solver.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) July 19, 2021

Welcome to parenthood. Your child will be assigned a favorite YouTuber who will make you want to slice your ears off shortly.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) July 20, 2021

My daughter named one of her barbies CATEGORY

— Meena Harris (@meena) July 21, 2021

Husband: The kids just said I’m not young or cool anymore.

Me: *organizing his Crocs* I wonder why they’d say something like that.

— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) July 19, 2021

6 asked for "pity bread" with hummus and that should tell you everything you need to know about my experiments with bread making this past year.

— AparnaRC (@Wordesse) July 22, 2021

“WHY ARE THEY STEALING OUR TRASH!?”

~ My kid, horrified that the garbage men are doing their job.

— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) July 22, 2021

You think your kid is creepy?
My 5yo told me she was eating baby chicks as she happily ate her eggs

— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) July 22, 2021

At the hotel pool my 6yo kept saying “No sex in the pool” and I stared at him dumbfounded until I finally realized he was pointing at my socks

— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) July 22, 2021

4 drew a picture of our family and I asked why I was so much bigger than everyone else and he said “you’re the biggest because you know everything mummy“ and now he’s sitting in bed eating ice cream while I write “FAVOURITE CHILD” on his bedroom door

— MumInBits (@MumInBits) July 19, 2021

My son asked if queens were real. I said, "yes, there's one" & pointed to my wife. So don't tell me I don't know how to make up for forgetting about date night.

— A Bearer Of Dad News🇬🇾 (@HomeWithPeanut) July 22, 2021

42% of parenting is locating things for your children that are in plain view OMG it's RIGHT. THERE.

— Ohio mom of two #BLM 🏳️🌈 (@OhioMomoftwo) July 22, 2021

Child: [eating a bag of blueberries]
Me: Stocking up on your antioxidants?
Child: No. I think if I eat enough of these my poop will turn blue.
Me:
Child:
Me: give me some

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) July 23, 2021

My 6 year old told me, ‘Wow, you are eating ice cream and not getting messy at all! You should be an ice cream eater!” and now I’m thinking of making a career change.

— Mama Needs A Coke (@MamaNeedsACoke) July 19, 2021

gets up early, wakes kids up, makes lunches, gets kids dressed, sits on bed scrolling twitter for 25 mins, scrambles to get ready in 4 mins, grabs coffee and runs out the door 5 mins late

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) July 22, 2021

Nothing raises my blood pressure faster than when my 3 year old tells me not to worry

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) July 20, 2021

My 4 year old screamed at me because I held his favourite teddy by its leg and did not “cuddle carry” it, and to be honest I should know better

— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) July 22, 2021

I told my 9yo if we are going to Target I have to change into a cuter outfit and he was like “Why?” and I was like “Because I’m going to be seen by the people” and he was like “Nobody’s really going to be paying attention to you though” and anyway now he’s grounded.

— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) July 18, 2021

My 4yo calls the nail salon the Toe Salon, and anyway…that’s what it’s called now.

— Heather #BLM🏳️🌈 (@dishs_up) July 22, 2021

Tears of joy rolled down my eyes as my 6YO told my wife that she was a louder snoring volcano than daddy

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) July 21, 2021