The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

I’m just a mom, standing in my kid’s room, asking why there are fruit snacks on the ceiling

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) April 26, 2022

My 4yo is in complete shock after she found out her uncle is my brother.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) April 25, 2022

i asked my 4 year old if she had fun at her birthday party and she was like “no. I like alone time.” same girl

— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) April 23, 2022

My son just turned to me and goes, “You look like a minion.” How do I come back from this? pic.twitter.com/OiE4Dzibtr

— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) April 23, 2022

my kid didn’t want a cheese sandwich today because last time it tasted too much like cheese

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) April 28, 2022

I don’t usually like pretend play but today my 5yo had me pretend to be a baby and all I had to do was lie on the couch and cry and not to brag but I played the shit out of that.

— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) April 24, 2022

No one wants to take medicine more than the healthy sibling of a sick kid.

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) April 27, 2022

This is your brain on kids. Any questions? pic.twitter.com/DQ1dYDwXVQ

— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) April 23, 2022

I asked my 6yo’s friend when his birthday is and he said, “the day I was born”

— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) April 25, 2022

6yo, getting dressed for school: hold on I just need to do one thing

me: ok

6yo: *crawls back into bed and pulls blanket over his head*

me:

— meghan (@deloisivete) April 27, 2022

My 5yo asked me if we could go to someone else’s house because he says we go to our house a lot

— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) April 26, 2022

Young mom: I hope he plans something nice for Mother’s Day.

Experienced mom: I booked my hotel room for Saturday night and will be back late Sunday.

— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) April 23, 2022

I bought my teen son new deodorant
It’s called
“Harry’s Redwood”
I didn’t realize that until I handed it to him and he started uncontrollably giggling

— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) April 25, 2022

My kid thinks the Lion King song says jalapeñooooo and I’m never correcting him

— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) April 23, 2022

Teen: Mom I heard you, will you stop repeating yourself already

Me *45 mins later: Ok let's go, we're leaving

Teen: Omg, nobody tells me anything around here!

— Jacana Mommy (@jacanamommy) April 28, 2022

i caught my 4-year-old letting the cat lick his goldfish crackers and then putting them back in the bag, so that’s fun

— Kiss my Fat Ash🍑 (@Tobi_Is_Fab) April 25, 2022

Watching a crime scene investigator search for trace evidence is impressive but have you ever seen a kid examine a piece of fruit for spots?

— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) April 26, 2022

I know my daughter is just like me because when I asked why she didn’t like her school’s guided meditation, she said: “Because don’t tell me when to breathe, that’s why.”

— Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) April 27, 2022

I used to be an atheist until I started helping my 3rd grader with her math homework

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) April 27, 2022

I accidentally spilled Coke on my husband’s shoes, so now I’m waiting to see which one of my kids acts like a jerk first so I know who to blame it on.

— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) April 28, 2022

if you open a snack in the middle of the woods, does it make a sound every toddler on the planet can hear?

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) April 28, 2022

I asked 5 to share her grapes with her brother and she said no so I asked why not and she said “I don’t know I haven’t figured that out yet, I’ll let you know when I do” and carried on eating the grapes

— MumInBits (@MumInBits) April 25, 2022

If you pass out in front of your kids they will either try to call an ambulance or use you as a trampoline. You just don’t know.

— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) April 28, 2022