Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
It's so much easier to ignore my kids bickering when we're on vacation because the crashing of the ocean waves drowns them out
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) June 30, 2022
Our toddler just learned how to snap. I’m sorry, waitstaff everywhere.
— Adam (@YSylon) July 1, 2022
My 7yo asked her brother for a hug and it was the sweetest sibling moment, then off to school he went with a slap me sign on his back
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) June 28, 2022
Remember in school when you had two tests on the same day and how hard it was to study for both equally? I always ended either doing a half-assed job in each or doing well in one and not as well in the other. Parenting more than one child feels exactly like that.
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) June 28, 2022
My daughter loves to bring up the time I didn't take my wife to our Senior Prom when she's pissed at me.
— Chaotic Dad (@daydrinkindad) June 30, 2022
you: I want to sleep in tomorrow
— an english human 🦔 (@English_Channel) June 30, 2022
your kids: *5:32 am* pic.twitter.com/FKsEOeutpG
My daughter wrote “picnic” at the top of my to-do list, and this is why kids should run the world
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) June 30, 2022
Sent my child to her room to clean up and she started singing “you won’t break my soul.”
— Dr. Tee Seniece (@thedoctormom) June 27, 2022
We beefin, sis?
Pinterest activities for kids:
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) June 29, 2022
1 hour of set up
5 minutes of play
3 hours of cleanup
My college kid makes a Hot Pocket nearly everyday, and still reads the directions every time he cooks one.
— Ousa Medusa (@MedusaOusa) June 26, 2022
I'm just a mom standing in front of this car asking my kids not to fight on this road trip.
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) June 26, 2022
When your kids eat pancakes, do they pour the syrup on the floor first or the table
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) June 26, 2022
You either get a kid who eats like a bottomless pit, or you get one that when asked what they want for lunch answers “No thanks. I had lunch yesterday”
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) June 28, 2022
I told my tween son to spend 10 minutes cleaning his room. He then attempted to convince me for the next 20 minutes he was too busy to clean his room.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 27, 2022
I would’ve been a way happier parent in the 80s when no one cared about sunblock and kids just drank from puddles or whatever
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) June 30, 2022
They won’t be this little forever I tell myself as I rage scream put your shoes on and make 14 breakfasts that end up in the trash.
— @love.you.memeit (@LMemeit) June 29, 2022
My son's teacher sent images of all the jackets and hoodies left behind in his class at the end of the school year. 4 out of 5 of them belonged to my kid
— mean things I say to myself (@meantomyself) June 28, 2022
My kid shared this with me from the 11 y/o group chat pic.twitter.com/egHvHomwVf
— Robert Manchild 🏳️⚧️ (@RobertManchild) June 26, 2022
My mom: your kid needs to eat more food
— Krysta (@krystaunclear) June 28, 2022
Also my mom: no not THAT food
Spend $250 on your kid playing soccer so they can tell you the only thing they enjoyed is the popsicle at the end of the game
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) June 29, 2022
Little kids are creepy. My 5-year-old likes to draw faces on eggs before she cracks them. As she cracks them she likes to say "goodbye my babies." This person lives in my house.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) June 30, 2022
7: 3 is giving me the finger
— kidversations (@kidversations_) June 27, 2022
Me: he doesn’t know what that means
7: yes he does, I taught him
having a teenager is fun because food that was in the kitchen when I went to bed is no longer there when I wake up.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) June 27, 2022
Told my daughters they get to split the inheritance when we die and my 10 y/o asked, “Will you leave me more if I’m your lawyer?” She’s clearly ready for a legal career.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) June 29, 2022
After meeting a new adult, my 5yo gave him an appraising look and said, "You look like, if you had a wife, she would be a breadwinner."
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) June 28, 2022
It's so much fun when they learn new words.
I’ve just figured out that I can sing the four tones that start a Mariokart race and my 4 year old will run to wherever I’ve told him to go
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) June 30, 2022
15 yo daughter has a friend over and suddenly 13 yo son wants to walk around curling dumbbells.
— Fulkery (@Fulkery1) June 26, 2022
My kid has 898 Pokémon characters memorized but he has no idea where his shoes are
— Midge (@mxmclain) June 30, 2022
Thoughts and prayers for my starving teens suffering from fridge and pantry blindness
— Lara 💗🛀 (@Eithercryingor) June 29, 2022
Took my 6-year-old to get his 1st Covid shot & afterwards he said, "That didn't hurt, I'm sure getting a tattoo will be easy."
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) June 30, 2022