There’s no ‘one size fits all’ approach to talking about miscarriage. For some, it’s a strictly private grief. For others, it helps to talk about it with friends, if not in public.
For Hilaria Baldwin, yoga instructor, mum-of-four and wife of actor Alec Baldwin, the experience of miscarriage was an opportunity to open up a dialogue about something that happens in as many as one in four pregnancies.
And to tackle the culture of silence that surrounds baby loss, she decided to post about what was happening to her on her Instagram account.
[Read more: Women Share Their Experiences After Alex Jones Reveals She Presented On TV Hours After Miscarriage]
Baldwin, 35, said she wanted to share her experience with her fans “to help people by being real and open.”
“I want to share with you that I am most likely experiencing a miscarriage,” she wrote, alongside a selfie she’d taken in her underwear, with one hand pressed to her stomach.
“I always promised myself that if I were to get pregnant again, I would share the news with you guys pretty early, even if that means suffering a public loss. I have always been so open with you all about my family, fitness, pregnancies... and I don’t want to keep this from you, just because it isn’t as positive and shiny as the rest.”
Baldwin said she felt it was important to show the truth, particularly when it’s common practice for women not to even reveal they’re pregnant until after the first trimester – and said she had “no shame or embarrassment” about her experience.
“I want to be a part of the effort to normalise miscarriage and remove the stigma from it,” she said. “There is so much secrecy during the first trimester. This works for some, but I personally find it to be exhausting. I’m nauseous, tired, my body is changing. And I have to pretend that everything is just fine—and it truly isn’t. I don’t want to have to pretend anymore. I hope you understand.”
She also shared a few of the medical details explaining what had happened with the pregnancy, saying that the embryo had a heartbeat, but it wasn’t strong, and the baby wasn’t growing very much.
“The chances are very, very small that this is a viable pregnancy,” she said. “So we wait—and this is hard.”
[Read more: Why We Need To Normalise The Grief Of Miscarriage]
And even though she showed huge bravery in challenging the culture of silence around miscarriage, she admitted she was feeling “fragile”.
“In your comments, please be kind,” she said. “I’m feeling a bit fragile and I need support. I’m hoping, that by sharing this, I can contribute to raising awareness about this sensitive topic.”
According to the organisation Tommy’s, an estimated one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage in the UK – or one in five, when taking data from women who actively realised or reported what was going on.
Around one in 100 British women experience recurrent miscarriages, but more than six in 10 women who do so later go on to have a successful pregnancy.
For guidance or support on miscarriage, stillbirth or premature birth, call the free Tommy’s advice line on 0800 0147 800 or visit the website here.