“This year, when you hear your name called… don’t get up right away,” he joked to the stars in attendance. “Give us a minute, we don’t want another thing.
“What happened last year was unfortunate. Last year, about a week, before the producers asked me if i wanted to do some comedy with the accountants and I said no.
“So then the accounts went ahead and did some comedy on their own, and I have to hand it to them it was hilarious.”
As his monologue continued, Jimmy singled out some of the evening’s nominees for some light ribbing, also referencing Harvey Weinstein and the Time’s Up movement.
But, it’s fair to say - especially after last year, when he tweeted President Donald Trump while presenting - Kimmel played it slightly safer, with a more serious tone.
Here are some of the best lines from his opening monologue...
On the Oscars statuette:
“He’s the most respected man in Hollywood and there’s a good reason why. Look at him, keeps his hands where he can see them, never says a rude word, and most importantly, no penis at all. He’s literally a statue of limitations.”
On ‘Shape Of Water’:
“It’s a reminder that 2018 is the year men screwed up so badly that women started dating fish.”
“Only two of the Best Picture nominees made more than a million dollars. But we don’t make films like ‘Call Me By Your Name’ to make money, right? We make them to upset Mike Pence.”
“I remember a time when executives thought a woman or a minority couldn’t open a superhero movie. And I remember it because it was March last year.”
Praising ‘Get Out’ director Jordan Peele:
“The kid from Comedy Central Jordan Peele, who’s had huge success with Get Out. None other than President Trump called Get Out the best three-quarters of a movie this year.”
To Margot Robbie:
“Whose kneecaps did Tonya Harding have to break to get this dream casting?”
Finally, we can’t argue with this:
“Here’s how clueless Hollywood is about women. We made a film called ‘What Women Want’… and it starred Mel Gibson.”