Emily Blunt’s revelation that she’ll be taking a year out of acting to spend more time with her children is resonating a lot with parents – particularly mums in the UK.
Blunt is married to Office actor John Krasinski, who she shares two daughters with: Hazel, nine, and Violet, seven.
The actor, who stars in the soon-to-be-released Oppenheimer, appeared on the Table For Two podcast and spoke about how, after working a lot this past year, she realised it was time to take a step back because of “the emotional cost on me, on the kids, on balance.”
The 40-year-old added that she is also “very prone to guilt.”
“I just feel there are cornerstones to their day that are so important when they’re little. And it’s, ‘Will you wake me up? Will you take me to school? Will you pick me up? Will you put me to bed?’ And I just need to be there for all of them – for a good stretch,” she said. “And I just felt that in my bones.”
So many parents can relate to this all-consuming guilt when work takes up so much time, energy and mental space. Kirsten Scheider, 48, from St Albans, is one of them.
The single mum used to run a successful event management company, which meant she could take her two boys on nice holidays and treat them to the luxuries of a financially-secure existence.
But Kirsten was “on” all the time and her sons were struggling with their own mental health issues. She was trying to support her youngest through a period of self-harm, eating disorders and suicidal ideation.
“Trying to fight for support took up all my time, energy and emotion, so I ended up working late into the night to make up for it,” she tells HuffPost UK.
“I felt guilty all the time. I’m a perfectionist and my clients would always get more than they paid for. I tried hard to be there for my children, too, but I watched them get more unwell and realised whatever I was doing it wasn’t enough. It killed me inside.”
Marie Brown, 52, from Sevenoaks, can resonate strongly with this feeling of not doing anything to the best of her ability.
She was a high-earner as the managing director at an investment bank but felt like she wasn’t being the best employee, wife, or the kind of mum she wanted to be.
She recalls the moment she decided enough was enough: “The summer before I quit I was sitting in a windowless meeting room debating a trivial issue with some banks whilst my nanny was spending the day in the sunshine at Leeds Castle with my children, my best friend and her children.
“There had been a build-up to that point – and obviously there were days when being at work was preferable to the chores at home – but I do recall thinking, ‘why am I here?’. That was the point when I made up my mind to quit.”
She had major reservations about leaving her high-flying career, however – especially as she’d invested a lot to get to the position she was in. She was worried about the message it sent to others, including her kids, who were seven and five at the time.
“I did feel guilty that I was letting down other women by quitting such a senior job and I didn’t want my children to think the dad was the one who earned the money whilst the mum was the one at home cooking and looking after the children,” she says. “That was quite a big issue for me – it still is.”
A massive 84% of the 1.75 million people who’ve given up work to care for their family are women, according to ONS data.
To fill the void when her kids were at school, Marie set up her own business at home – a web design company called Beyond The Kitchen Table. “I don’t think I could have continued as I was, mentally,” she admits.
“I would add I don’t regret returning to work when my children were little ... I think the baby and toddler years would have driven me mad,” she says.
“But there is a lot going on when they get to school age and I think they needed me then – and I needed to be with them.”
Marie says she now has a good relationship with her children, who are teens, and believes being there for them – working from home, doing the school run, being around for chats and football matches – has contributed a lot to this.
“I don’t know how they would have turned out or what our relationship would have been like if I had continued in my city job,” she adds.
As for Kirsten, she decided to step away from events two years ago and became a personal trainer, who works from home and organises fitness retreats and adventure breaks.
The switch – while a challenge, because she was earning less and having to build a different business from scratch – has been pivotal in her own wellbeing, as well as that of her sons.
“I have learned the hard way that you cannot pour from an empty cup. I am very good at looking after my own wellbeing now and I also see a therapist regularly to offload and get help dealing with things better,” she says.
“It has really helped all of us – my younger son is so much better and actively seeking 1:1 time with me, which I really love. He’s quite an introvert but has started talking more about things that matter to him and I feel proud I have enabled this space for him.
“My older boy started at uni last year and had terrible anxiety initially which we overcame together. He recently told me he could never imagine having a better mum and it made my day.”
She concludes: “I have never been poorer and never been happier and my boys are doing really well.”
Help and support:
- Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.
- Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI - this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).
- CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.
- The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk
- Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.