My partner Andrew and I are at that stage in our lives where we attend a lot of weddings. Actually it's an abnormal amount of weddings. Our friends have this running joke about us never being available on the weekends because we're always attending weddings.
I love weddings. Being witness to a celebration of love between two people is undoubtedly special and a healthy distraction from a world in which Donald Trump is president of the United States and where South Africa's parliament is synonymous with skop, skiet en donder as opposed to the institution responsible for passing and upholding the laws of South Africa. The three things I enjoy most about a wedding are dressing up, eating cake (or jalebis) and dancing: elements of the gay stereotype I'm afraid I'm unapologetic in owning.
I consider myself really fortunate to have been a part of the celebrations of my friends Paula and Stephanie, Michael and Alistair, B and Kate, and Kirby and George. What has struck me about each wedding is how the notions of love and marriage are reclaimed and re-imagined.
There was none of the "together forever, until death do us part" rhetoric but rather a pragmatic acknowledgement that love is [not just] love (sorry Lin-Manuel Miranda) but love is commitment, love is hardship, love is political, love is more than just the social construct of marriage. (Yes, down with you patriarchy and heteronormativity!)
I've had far too many good cries at these weddings. Witnessing the love and support which all of my friends have received from their parents, families and friends made me realise that there is good in this world.
Admittedly, there is perhaps a lot about the experiences of my friends and that of myself and my partner which stand apart from other men and women who face attraction to the same sex. Prejudice against members of the LGBTIQ community has by no means dissipated and in this regard I need to acknowledge my own sense of privilege as a cis-gendered male of a certain class living in South Africa. I'm fortunate that I have accepting family who have embraced my partner. For many, this is sadly not a reality.
When the legalisation of same-sex marriages was finally realised in South Africa through the passing of the Civil Unions Act, I was still a student finishing my law degree and going through the challenges of coming out.
As a South African Indian, with a Hindu, Gujerati, upbringing my own experience of marriage is very much stooped in tradition, culture and family. Marriages within my family are larger than life, characterised by fun, food, music, dancing, colourful festivals and much ceremony. I remember at the time secretly harbouring the fantasy of having a 'monsoon wedding'-style marriage. I didn't think it was practically possible then but I do now.
February is the month of love. At the Huffington Post South Africa, we take a look at how South Africans are finding and holding on to love. Author Shubnum Khan tells us about how cross-border romances are made or broken, tech journalist Nafisa Akabor looks at how social media replaced your meet-cute and lifestyle editor Sarah Koopman has some advice on how to get away from that tired old dinner-and-a-movie setup. Find them all and more here, or try these.
- 23 Years Into Democracy Interracial Couples Still Face Discrimination
- For South Africans Married To Foreigners, There Are More Than The Usual Hurdles
- Is Finding Love Easier In The Digital Age?
- Ditch The Dinner Date And Charm Your Fave With Something A Little Different
- Going From Hookup To Relationship -- It's Complicated.
- Yes, I Married The Man I Met On A Dating App
- Love in the Time of a Surgical Residency Is Not Easy, And I Am Lucky To Have It
- 11 WTF Things Black Women Have Heard When Dating White People
- 9 Online Dating Fails That Might Make You Switch Your Phone To Flight Mode
- If You've Ever Had A Crush, You'll Get These 29 Memes and Gifs
- Can You Ace Our Quiz On SA Celebs' Views On Love?
- Watch: From DMs to Old School Courting: 11 Unexpected Ways To Find Love