Here is a list of some of the unshocking shock revelations that have been shockingly revealed by our easily shocked British press. When a store, lets say one that deals in highly desirable electronic devices, has had its windows smashed and there are no rozzers in sight, it is not shocking that people who would struggle to buy said items might pop inside to see if here is anything that they can purloin. Not shocking? It's not even surprising. It is perfectly normal. It is called "being British". We'll nick anything. They even have to secure those crappy pens they have in banks with chains so that we don't take them. Bicycles are stolen so much that they should come pre-nicked for your convenience - simply hand over a credit card at your local velocipede emporium and they will hand you a sawn through bike lock in exchange.
It is also not shocking that banks are against whatever it is that Vince Cable will say next. Vince Cable is seen as a very dangerous person by the banks as he refuses to believe any of the self serving codswallop that they peddle about how reforming the banks will cause much hardship and grief all round. What they mean by that is that the changes he proposes will cause the heads of the banks much grief, if not actual hardship. They might have to pay for their next yacht in instalments, which will make the oligarch in the neighbouring berth in Cannes laugh at them but that is not what you or I might call a painful financial circumstance.
It is not shocking that a member of the European Parliament rushed to express his shock that Eurostar, the highish speed train that connects King's Cross and Paris had considered only accepting Euros in exchange for its untasty comestibles bought on board. It is not at all a shock that someone like the MEP and UKIP member Gerard Batten should take up the case of a man who expressed shock at being unable to pay in pounds for something he bought after going through French customs and immigration, travelling to a place where no-one takes payment in pounds. I mean, as an MEP, what else is he going to do? Actually, what do ANY of them do? Also, it shouldn't shock you that UKIP, a party that declares itself against the EU should be so keen to be a part of the EU. They aim to bring it down from the inside, I expect. The 298 Euros a day living allowance and the £42,000 general expenditure allowance and the £211,516 secretarial allowance AND the minimum £64,766 wage for being an MEP holds no interest for them, of that I am sure. I'd be shocked if it did.
You may not have been shocked to read that takeaways have been found to be somewhat unhealthy. A survey has come to this unshocking conclusion after taking the entirely unnecessary steps of actually examining a lot of them in a laboratory, with machines. This, you won't be shocked to learn will have cost a great deal of money. I could have told them that for nothing at all but no-one listens to me, which isn't shocking either.
And no-one should be shocked that a Government quango spent £1300 of your money on a trip to the zoo. Maybe it was many trips to the zoo - those rascally chimps are so becoming. Actual chimps, that is, not the apes that run our Government Offices for the Regions. You should not be shocked either to learn that they also spent three grand going skiing. Downhill schussing that is essential to their duties as official councilpersons, no doubt. You should not be shocked by this as they did it for a very good reason: they did it because they could. You don't spend the public's money on visits to the reptile house and Gluhwein and schnitzel at the chalet on the piste because you can't. No surprise there. And no shock either.