Sex Diaries: 'University Gives Me Freedom To Explore My Sexuality'

I'm 21, single and freed from the gossip of a small town, I'm embracing new experiences

Sex Diaries is a fortnightly series on HuffPost UK that asks readers to share their sex lives: to talk about the sex they’re having (or not). Interested in anonymously sharing your story? Email sophie.gallagher@huffpost.com

When I was a teenager living at home I considered myself straight. There was a small town mentality, and I had a couple of girlfriends. Then I moved to Edinburgh to go to university – I’m in my third year now – and started exploring my bisexuality a bit more. Now I consider myself bisexual.

It started with a threesome last summer when a friend and her boyfriend came to visit. My friend and I had exchanged some Snapchats beforehand which had became more and more explicit. We arranged to meet at my flat, and shared a couple of beers – and then it all happened: my friend’s boyfriend liked the idea of her sleeping with other people so he watched for a bit and then joined in.

I’m living in a house with two single guys, they’re bringing people back too – you hear the door slam at 3am and know they’re not alone. It’s all good fun.

I’ve been chatting to guys, meeting up for drinks. Or met men in nightclubs, hooked up by friends of friends. Nothing huge has come of it yet. I’ve gone home with a couple of men but we haven’t had full sex; all of the 20 people I’ve slept with have been women.

“I joined a fetish website that is basically Facebook for people with kinks and fetishes.."”

I just had a moment where I thought: “Fuck it I want to embrace this”. Back home, if I had gone for a drink with a guy who is out, then within 20 minutes the bartender would have told my mum or my mates – you’d get a text saying: “Why you hanging out with him on your own?” In Edinburgh, I can go to a pub and be anonymous.

I’ve also been exploring my interest in fetishes. I joined a fetish website that is basically Facebook for people with kinks and fetishes, you post about stuff and then meet up with other people who like BDSM. They have these things called ‘munches’ where you all just hang out in the pub. The first time I went to a meeting in the pub, I had an out-of-body experience on the way there and doubted what I was doing. I got to the door of the pub and just stood there looking at the floor for five minutes thinking: ‘What the fuck am I doing?’

In fact, nothing wild happened. We just chatted about what we liked and general conversation. I’ve also had a chance to try some BDSM stuff too - not like a sex cage in my cupboard or anything but handcuffs, rope, a riding crop, you know nothing too extreme. I’m just testing the water.

“No one at home knows about my sexuality..."”

No one at home knows about my sexuality, I haven’t told my family or friends. I have friends here who I speak openly about it with, but my parents and people at home I don’t. I think they’d be chill about it but I just can’t be arsed to answer all their stupid questions and listening to my mum and aunt bang on about it.

Everyone knew everything about you where I grew up. So when I came away to university, to a new city, I found myself with the freedom to do whatever I wanted: bring someone home, stay out for a day and a half, come back at three o’clock, and nobody has called you hundreds of times to find out where you are.

I would say that three quarters of the people I’ve had sex with in my life have been since I’ve left home, now even when I go home for the holidays I don’t have sex, I’m there for a short time and then escape back to Edinburgh.

If I could have more sex then I probably wouldn’t say no, but it’s happening a few times a month and that’s good for me. Of course it goes through peaks and troughs, but I just enjoy being single and experimenting with different types of sex.

When I graduate later this year I don’t want to move back to a small town. I’m going to stay here or another big city. I’d be gutted if I had to move home – this is a new me.

As told to Sophie Gallagher