By now you’re probably familiar with the phrase ‘quiet quitting’ – the idea that when you slowly begin to lose interest with your job, you start doing the bare minimum. The phrase has taken over social media as millions of people worldwide feel overworked and no longer willing to go above and beyond for their job.
Well, the term can be applied to other areas of your life, like relationships. Julia Goodall, who is a couples coach and psychotherapist, touched on the concept of quiet quitting and relationships on her Instagram.
“I was at a dinner the other night with a group of amazing women, and the topic of quiet quitting relationships came up,” Goodall said. “I’ve been thinking so much about how this might show up in couples, and where to go from quiet quitting.”
So, what does quiet quitting in a relationship look like?
According to Goodall, signs you might be quiet quitting in a relationship include:
- A feeling of resignation in your relationship
- Not feeling enough anger to have arguments, or to make yourself heard
- Feeling jaded about relationships generally
- Expecting to be misunderstood by your partner
- Feelings of disgust, or revulsion
- Not wanting to be touched by your partner (sexually, or affectionately, and not as a result of sexual trauma)
- Avoiding connection time with your partner.
If you feel this way, Goodall says it can be helpful to ask how you got here. “Has it been a long time since you felt really seen and heard (at least some of the time)?” she asks.
She wonders if you feel desired, appreciated or adored. “I’d take your feelings (or lack of feelings) really seriously here, and ask what you’d need to reengage.”
Goodall continues: “You are worthy of love – to be in relationship in which you can love and be loved in big, and ordinary ways.”
When asked how you can reset your relationship if you feel this way, she told HuffPost UK that you should reach out to your partner and let them know you’ve noticed you’re feeling disconnected.
“Ask them if they’d be open to couples work,” she said. “Even if they’re not, it would be a sign you might need help untangling how you got there, what you’re needing, and what’s stopping you from accessing it.”