Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Although Twitter has rebranded to X, the humour lives on.
Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on the social media platform to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!
My 5 year old son just asked me how I know his name... I'm not in the mood today
— B 🦋 (@isabellayonce) March 13, 2024
“I’m gonna cut the wall out of the house” and other threats my kid makes that I really want to respond to with, “go ahead, I wanna see you try”
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) March 14, 2024
It’s pi day and my daughter asked if I’d take her to school early for math games so after school I’m taking her for a dna test.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) March 14, 2024
So I follow this absolutely gorgeous lesbian couple on Instagram, and I was scrolling through their wedding photos. My 5yo daughter looked over at my phone and sighed, “Ohhh she married a girl, that is SUCH a SMART choice.” 🤣
— Stacy Mitchell (@stacybmitchell) March 10, 2024
It's sad when our families don't appreciate all the things we moms do for them. For instance, my husband has not once thanked me today for providing him with up-to-the-minute coverage on the Kensington Palace photo conspiracy.
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) March 10, 2024
That feeling when your kid steps on the toy they refused to clean up.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) March 12, 2024
i gotta stop telling my daughter white ppl crazy cus we was at the park yesterday and she yelled “OH MY GOD ITS A WHITE BOY BY ME”
— ci 🧚♂️ (@cicireion) March 13, 2024
My teen is asking for noise-cancelling headphones like I’m going to give him the gift of ignoring me better.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) March 9, 2024
My 14yo not only told me she didn’t like her name, but presented me with a list of alternate names she would have preferred, so good luck expecting parents!
— SpacedMom (@copymama) March 12, 2024
I’m sorry, but owning a pet and being a parent are not the same. Your lizard did not tell you that you sucked today.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) March 11, 2024
Me: “My god, we have never-ending laundry.”
— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) March 13, 2024
My son, 8: “Well maybe that wouldn’t happen if you all stopped getting me CLOTHES for my birthday.”
Asked my 6yo what he was trying to catch because he's pretending to fish, and his answer was sushi
— meghan (@deloisivete) March 10, 2024
My daughter: mom you don’t need makeup, you’re beautiful already
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) March 11, 2024
Also my daughter: are you sure you wanna wear that?
My niece calls provolone “leave me alone cheese”and I honestly don’t know why we would have ever dreamed of calling it something else
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) March 11, 2024
have kids so they can wake you up at 2 am to inform you that they’re bored.
— Dan (@dadopotamus) March 12, 2024
Whenever I tweet about my 3yo being challenging there’s ALWAYS someone who is like “my 3yo was not challenging at all, they were sweet and smart and perfect and it’s because I took them outside.” And I’m always like ohhhh sorry I keep mine in a box in the basement, can’t relate
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) March 10, 2024
“Why do you always get to go do the fun things?” my son asked, as I was leaving for the grocery store.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) March 9, 2024
I married the perfect man though because every time the kids have tried to stampede into the living room tonight he has intercepted them and sent them away and I just heard him say “Your mother is watching the Oscars LET HER HAVE HER ONE THING.”
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) March 11, 2024
“We are not gonna have a morning like yesterday!” I delusionally say to my kids moments before we have a morning like yesterday…every. single. day.
— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) March 12, 2024