Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Although Twitter has rebranded to X, the humor lives on.
Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on the social media platform to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!
I was a terrible mother today and told my teens I hate them. Well what I really said was, ‘it’s raining so you might need an umbrella’ but apparently it’s the same thing
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) November 9, 2023
Some people will complain about Bluey and say things like, "the parents spend too much time doing imaginative play with the kids! It's unrealistic!"
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) November 7, 2023
Well Kloweighy, it's a cartoon show about a family of dogs that talks, walks on their hind legs, and eats chocolate.
A mom is a mom that does mom stuff. That's what moms do.
— nika (@nikalamity) November 8, 2023
- my kid, establishing he won’t be authoring any dictionaries
To a nine month old, nothing is as funny as taking off their own socks. A nine month old could film a whole Netflix comedy special of just taking off their socks and the other nine months olds would go wild.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) November 7, 2023
Spoiled my daughter with new shoes and books and took her and her friends shopping and to dinner for her 12th birthday.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) November 6, 2023
Two boys from her school sent her a video of them singing, “Happy Birthday.” She messaged back, “best birthday gift ever.” I feel my status might be slipping.
Last weekend my 6-year-old was upset because she was nervous about her swim meet, so I told her if she could find some confidence and do it, I would throw a pie in her dad’s face the second he got home. That child swam like an Olympian. Follow me for more motivational tools. pic.twitter.com/HczAaZrfyB
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) November 8, 2023
since the time change, the hours between dinner ending and being able to put the kids to bed is 83 hours.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) November 7, 2023
Bending spacetime, but it’s just my 5yo fitting 2 hours of talking into the 1 hour he’s been awake
— meghan (@deloisivete) November 9, 2023
I see your baker’s dozen and raise you a mom’s dozen (11 because you ate one when the kids weren’t looking)
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) November 6, 2023
Pediatrician: “If it’s okay, with your permission, I usually take a peek in the underwear area.”
— Meg St-Esprit (@MegStEsprit) November 9, 2023
My child: “That would be fine, except I’m not wearing any.”
Teenage girls will be wearing a sweatshirt and be like, “I’m in my sweatshirt era.”
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 6, 2023
After seeing my childhood photo album my 7yo is sad that I grew up in times when color wasn’t invented
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) November 6, 2023
My 3yo put stickers all over my face and then peeled them off and that’s the closest I’ve come to a facial in a long time.
— Mumnipotent Ruler (@MumOfTw0) November 5, 2023
Sunday: I think the kids handled daylight savings pretty good
— Taylor Schumann (@taylorsschumann) November 7, 2023
Tuesday: no
Parenting is wanting to know why a pair of tweezers is stuck with toothpaste onto a bottle of toilet bowl cleaner and being too tired to ask.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) November 4, 2023
Kid math is setting the clocks back one hour but waking your parents up 2.5 hours earlier than usual
— The Mom Hack (@TheMomHack) November 5, 2023
Are you having a good Sunday or did you just yell at your kids to not throw pumpkins down the hallway?
— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) November 5, 2023
Picked up my kid from a play date and the other mom told me how amazing, polite, helpful and well behaved my child was, it was worrisome she didn’t know which kid was mine but I asked if I could take the one she described home with me instead
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) November 6, 2023
My 15 year old thinks I’m cringe, so clearly I’ve peaked as a mother.
— natalayhehoo (@highprobably1) November 7, 2023
I gave my child the choice of walking one way or another. She said THIS way and ran off in a completely different direction.
— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) November 7, 2023
My kid forgot what skittles were so he called them fruity m&ms
— Mommeh Thee Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) November 8, 2023
Reasons My Toddler Cried Tonight included:
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) November 8, 2023
-he wanted me to cut his toast and so I did and then he lost all semblance of composure because I did not realize I was supposed to cut just the TOAST, not the JAM