The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

"As a parent I just feel like a big fat liar: Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, Mummy and Daddy were just wrestling, etc."

Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.

Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!

What’s the eeriest thing a child has ever said to you?

When my daughter was around 4-5, she calmly insisted that she had once been married to a man named Brad Huffington. When we asked what had happened to him she replied with a note of sadness, “He was lost at sea.”

— Lilah Sturges (@LilahSturges) April 6, 2022

Okay so I need to find and purchase this book pic.twitter.com/mFyMTr0e6t

— Patricia Ann Cameron (@COBlackpacker) April 5, 2022

My 7 year-old son had a playdate with a girl yesterday. After about 10 mins he asked if she wanted to go upstairs and see his 'pound machine'. Somewhat concerned, we followed them up and found them taking turns standing on the bathroom scale.

Crisis averted, for now.

— 🍁Yukon Gold (@GrahamKritzer) April 4, 2022

My wife: Have the kids been acting weird today?

Me: I don't think it's an act.

— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) April 3, 2022

Caught my kids playing rock, paper, scissors WITH ACTUAL SCISSORS

— Adam Gaylord 🌻🐛🍻 (@AuthorGaylord) April 5, 2022

Thinking about the time my 3yo forgot the name for chicken nuggets and called them “orange meat cookies”

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) April 4, 2022

something they don’t warn you about parenting is you will watch Frozen 8,000 times and want to die and then one day when your kid is asleep you won’t know what to watch and suddenly a tiny part of you will be like hmm you know what would really hit the spot? FROZEN

— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) April 6, 2022

My kid kept asking if he could try the chicken milk pic.twitter.com/AtRl9kRKG0

— meghan (@deloisivete) April 3, 2022

Me: Why aren’t you ready? We’re late!

10: Did you know the amount of people older than you never increases?

— @love.you.memeit (@LMemeit) April 3, 2022

10 wanted to make dinner and mixed random ingredients like eggs, flour, crackers, dried pasta and ketchup, then baked it until it was burnt and my twins said it was the nicest dinner they’d ever tasted so I resigned and now I live on a faraway island

— MumInBits (@MumInBits) April 6, 2022

Freaked out so many parents by asking this in a wrong school chat pic.twitter.com/CxODYmIYzr

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) April 5, 2022

As a parent I just feel like a big fat liar: Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, Mommy and Daddy were just wrestling, etc.

— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) April 5, 2022

Did you have a good weekend or did your 4 y/o tell a lady with grey hair in the greeting card isle to “Move it old lady!”?

— Bre (@fullofmonsense) April 3, 2022

Us: Takes 5yr old to Disney

5yr old: Is there Target here?

— MommyCocktail (@MommyCocktail) April 2, 2022

Parenting is begging for a night away from the kids then talking about them the whole time like a couple of Stockholmies

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) April 5, 2022

5: mom can i fart on you?

HAVE KIDS THEY SAID

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) April 7, 2022

When my family wants me to turn the music down and I have to let them know that I’m cleaning and I absolutely will not pic.twitter.com/Epxd4ONDJy

— yelisa (@beingyelisa) April 2, 2022

The other night I told 5 if he left his room one more time instead of going to sleep that I was taking one of his stuffed animals.

He left his room again.

When I went in his room, he had an assortment of animals laid out and told me I “could choose one of these”.

🤬

— Tired Dad of 2 (@Tired_Dad_of_2) April 4, 2022

Pretending I'm still asleep so my husband has to make the kids' breakfast is my favorite weekend tradition

— Bo♥️Beenie (@MrsGaGaG) April 3, 2022

I’m trying to be grateful for one thing each day. Today I’m grateful that my kids are old enough to make their own dinner after they tell me they hate my cooking.

— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) April 4, 2022

Everything will be going fine and then your kid asks you if people can get pregnant in heaven.

— Amanda Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) April 6, 2022

Everyday I pick my kid up from school he announces “I didn’t bite anybody!” and you know what? I’m pretty proud I didn’t bite anybody either

— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) April 5, 2022
Close