A mum has revealed she told off another person’s child on the school run – and it’s dredged up the age-old debate of whether it’s ever OK to tell off other people’s kids.
Taking to Mumsnet, the annoyed parent – username FooFighter99 – asked if she was being unreasonable for telling a young boy, who was walking with his mum, to stop spitting on the pavement.
“I said ‘ew can you stop spitting’ in a jokey/normal tone, didn’t raise my voice, wasn’t angry or confronting, just wanted him to stop spitting on the pavement,” she said.
But the boy’s mother wasn’t happy about the intervention from a stranger.
“His mum turned round and said ‘did you just tell my kid off?’ to which I replied, ‘well, he’s spitting all over the floor’ and she responded by telling my to mind my own business and concentrate on my own kid,” the parent recalled.
“I responded by pointing out that my child wasn’t spitting everywhere... again, didn’t raise my voice, didn’t get angry or animated but she kept chunnering [sic] all the way down the road till they eventually turned off onto their estate.”
So what did other parents think of the exchange?
“You were fine. It’s fine to tell someone off for spitting,” said one Mumsnet user.
“I would also hate to dodge someone’s spit multiple times in front of me. It is disgusting and the way you said it seems fine,” said another.
One parent even pointed out she hadn’t really told the child off, she’d just asked him not to spit.
But some thought she was being unreasonable for speaking to the child about it.
“Obviously spitting is disgusting and wrong. Telling someone else’s child off in front of them is asking for trouble though as you’ve no idea how they will react. Some people can be very bad tempered,” said one respondent.
Another said: “You can comment ‘ew’, but you can’t tell kids off for an act that causes less damage to a pavement than, for example, dog pee. If the kid had been damaging something, then maybe, but drooling? Nope.”
One parent agreed that while spitting is “totally gross”, you can’t tell other people’s children off for it.
“I’m a right busybody over most things and will loudly exclaim about other people’s unpleasant behaviour, trying to shame them (much to the embarrassment of my kids), but it’s not something you can tell other people’s kids off for,” said the mum.
“A loud, ‘ewwww, how disgussssting!’ usually achieves the intention without directly challenging a child in the presence of their child. Usually the parent agrees and speaks to the child, because you aren’t ‘telling’ them.”
In some areas of the UK, adults can be fined up to £500 for spitting, as it’s likened to littering.
When HuffPost UK previously asked Holly Zoccolan, parenting expert and founder of The Carol App, whether it’s ever OK for parents to tell other people’s children off, she said: “Generally no, unless the child has done something to upset your child.”
Examples might be pushing them over, snatching a toy, or hitting them.
“Otherwise, in my opinion, I don’t believe it’s appropriate to intervene,” said Zoccolan. “Leave it to their parents as we all have varied approaches to discipline.”
Laura Alba, a parent and mindset coach featured on Peanut Pro, also said the child’s parents should be the ones to discipline them “should they decide to do so”.
“However, if you notice a child misbehaving, you wouldn’t simply ignore it,” she added. “There are ways in which you can address situations by kindly asking the child what is going on, asking if you can help them to do something different.”