11 Stages Parents Go Through When Their Child Is Off Sick From School

Oh not again.

It’s that time of year again, coughs and colds are being passed around the classroom quicker than nits and we’re dosing kids up on Calpol in a bid to circumvent the lurgy.

Would sending them to school in a hazmat suit be going too far?

There are 11 stages parents experience after being woken by the dreaded phrase “I don’t feel very well”:

1. They tell you they feel ill and you’re not buying it for one minute.

Alright that’s cute, now go and get dressed.

2. You take their temperature and they are actually a sweaty mess.

Oh, your acting skills aren’t that good, you are actually ill.

3. You know you have to call your boss and they just won’t believe you.

They are a non-parent who thinks you just fancy a day on the sofa.

4. If only they knew you’ll just spend the whole day bleaching surfaces.

No one else is getting ill in this house.

5. Shouting at them to use a tissue.

The back of your sleeve is not an acceptable substitute.

6. And giving them enough Calpol to cure the whole street.

Not taking any chances here.

7. You become their personal butler.

Cooking them meals they won’t eat and changing the TV channel as they request.

8. You wish you’d just been ill instead of them.

Not because you’re a selfless loving parent, it’s just less hassle.

9. They feel much better all of a sudden.

Damn you and your young immune system.

10. But now you feel terrible.

Life is so unfair.

11. We’re gonna need another day off.