It seems that patience really is a precious commodity in today's age. A recent report showed how our uncontrollable habit of not being willing to wait is costing us as much as £2000 extra per year!
It's a highlight in particular for those aged 25 - 34, with 72% of that group saying they regularly spend more to reduce their waiting. There's a lot that's driving that impatience: technology, busier lives, and our mental capacity seemingly more spread than ever.
There's been a lot of discussion already about what that means for us as people, with the report highlighting that more than nine in ten (92%) people surveyed think society generally is becoming more impatient.
But how does this affect our parenting and how can we rediscover the right type of patience with different groups of people that matter most in our lives?:
1.With our partners
It's the easiest thing in the world to be so busy, demanding, and ultimately reach a point where impatience defines your relationship. Unfortunately there are always going to be times where starting the divorce process is inevitable, but there are other ways we can start to re-frame our patience with partners.
-Talk with no distractions: If part of the reason why we're all getting more impatient is because we're increasingly spread across multiple tasks, across multiple screens in our lives - then take a moment to turn it ALL off. Find an hour a day, or at least a week - where you just look at the human being opposite you and talk to them. Slow down the speed of everything else so all your energies can just be on one person for a concentrated period of time.
-It's not about before, or after - it's about now: In a world where we see what other couples and families have, it's easy to get caught up in desire for flashy, material, exuberant things. Things we think define where we're going. Why can't we just enjoy the now a little more? The second just gone is one you'll never have again so take a moment every so often to realise that actually, the majority of what you need, you have right now.
2.With our children
Of course we want them to eat all their breakfast and get their shoes on quickly. That isn't impatience, it's just the life of being a parent! But have there been times where the impatience has reached levels you don't recognize in yourself? Where it seems we're just constantly pushing and pushing for our children to do things better, faster, and all the while being more irritable by the second?
Our children have us as role models - they will eventually mirror parts of our behaviour, so how can we find the right level of patience with our children so that dad-mode doesn't become boiling-point everyday?
-Find your reset button: What do you do to reflect on your journey as a parent so far? For me, I look through old photos to remember how quickly they're changing and growing. For other dads it's about taking a moment while washing or even a quiet walk in the park. Whatever your reset mode is, find it, and don't forget to pay it a visit from time to time.
-Recognise boiling point: One lesson I always remember in NCT class was if it was all getting too much, that actually leaving a room for a few seconds was far better than trying to deal with yourself at boiling point. What's your strategy for when you recognize yourself reaching boiling point? There are times I still walk away from a heated situation for a few seconds, distract myself to cool down, and then re-engage. A few seconds out of the cauldron can work wonders.
3.With ourselves
While we often think about impatience and relationships with our partners, children, and wider family - what about the relationship with ourselves?
Yes, I know that might sound a bit weird - but bare with me - honestly - where's the focus on you in all of this too? Lot of us are driven to do things, we set expectations on ourselves - that sometimes we hit, and sometimes we don't. What are the ways you can start to be a little more patient with yourself?
-Hobbies: What do you do to take your mind off things? How do you burn off that stress of the week? Whether it's reading a book, or finding that bit of friend - time, don't forget to try and make some space, however irregular, for your hobbies.
-Knowing when you're done: A lot of impatience comes from the feeling of not having done something fully, or being happy with where something is at. Set yourself some daily measures of success. What will you absolutely not be happy with, and what is the minimum for success here? The last thing you want is to be thinking of something that isn't up to your standards the moment before going to bed.