Peter Andre has been my guilty pleasure since circa 1996. Here's why...
1) The early years.
That chiselled, did-he-sew-it-on-surely-it-can't-be-real chest, the spider-slick gelled down hair de 90's, the dulcet tones of Mysterious Girl. Every five minutes. For an entire summer. It was number two for like ages guys. Oh Peter, you had me at 'woah uh oo woah uh oo woah'.
2) The Jordan years.
Peter's love for Jordan went unparalleled. She wore the pinkest, most bejewelled, most massive, most outrageous wedding dress ever conceived (I mean it rivalled My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, no?) and he still loved her. They named their baby Princess Tiaamii. Obvs. They brought us a version of A Whole New World we can never unhear. The harmonies were increds. And by increds I mean oh no Katie please stop. He STILL loved her. What a guy. Never before and never since has the media seen such a showbiz dazzle, campness extraordinaire pairing. Kim and Kanye don't even come close to this circus of dreams.
An actual name for an actual song. Ok. That is all.
4) Mums (and Peter) go to Iceland.
Iceland. The land of frozen canapés and bake your own Greggs steak slices and, according to the ads, the land where you might get a snog from the Andre. The bosses at everyone's favourite platter palace knew what they were doing because they tapped right into our inner desires there. Just saying.
5) His chilled voice.
There was a time when I would put on Peter Andre: My Life just to send me to sleep. I'd just flick over to ITV3 for a cheeky repeat and let the calm, soothing, Antipodean tones of the Andre lull me to the sweetest dreams. Try it. The man's voice is honey.
6) The man knows how to do earnest.
I defy you to find a more earnest person than Peter Andre. There isn't one. Peter Andre is the most earnest person in the whole world. As demonstrated recently during Strictly Come Dancing. Strictly is Peter's earnest heaven; it gives us even more than Peter Andre: My Life could ever muster. When he's training: he has a little cry. When he or anyone in his vicinity mentions his family: he has a little cry. When he's interviewed by Claudia and she's making a JOKE and probably wearing a weird hat: yes, he has a little cry. The guy is so in touch with his soul. Seriously. In fact I might have a little cry...
Come on. If a few of us were a bit more like Pete (I feel I've earned an over familiar 'Pete' by now) would the world be a marginally better place? No. It would be a FAR better place.
All together now: 'Long live the Andre!'