18/02/2015 06:45 GMT | Updated 19/04/2015 06:59 BST

How to Drop Judgement


Life gets much easier when we drop the judgement of others. And when I say easier I am actually talking about our life not even those we judge. When we judge others, we make ourselves separate from them and often put ourselves in a place of superiority.

One principle I heard many years ago and believe to be true is this:

Everyone does the best they can in any given moment with the resources they have available to them.

It is something I always discuss in my Life Guidance sessions because an understanding of this principle, and a living of it, can make huge difference both to how we feel about situations of the past as well as how we act the in the present moment.

No one ever wakes up and thinks to themselves, 'Today I am going to make really terrible decisions". It is just not in our make up. Everyone, no matter what they do, are doing what they feel is the best thing they can do. And this goes for the people who do things that we consider to be really bad. This is not to make excuses for those that go against what many of us agree is a good way to live, but to help us understand that even though they may be making mistakes, even big ones, they are not wrong. With the resources - beliefs, and abilities - they have available to them in the moment they are doing the best they can.

As soon as we judge someone or something as wrong we make it and them separate from us and the only one who suffers from that is us. When we are in that space of judgement we are not connected with our own heart and as soon as that happens we are not present. Better to have compassion, to be gentle in your thinking. Compassion is not condoning what others do but rather it is a positive, heartfelt response that brings about a feeling of wanting to understand and help.

How can this help your life?

1. Re-read this blog If you can read it everyday then all the better. We learn through repetition and it is a powerful tool that will help you remember when you need to that everyone is doing the best they can. If you want you can read an expanded version here.

2. Make the decision to live 'everyone does the best they can in any given moment with the resources they have available to them'.

3. Set a conscious intention that whenever you catch yourself judging any one or anything that you consciously change your thoughts and reactions and respond with compassion. This does not mean you have to agree with what they are doing or saying, simply offer compassion.

3. Prepare in your mind how you wish to change. It is far easier if you have a prepared response than relying on thinking up how you wish to be in that moment. You have a very limited time to shift out of your habitual reaction into your new response before you get lost in the situation. If you have to think about it you won't do it. So think ahead, what response do you want to have instead of judgement?

4. Learn from these experiences. At the end of the day as you look back and review your intentions notice when you chose your new response and when you didn't. Have compassion for yourself in those situations when you didn't and use them to strengthen your conscious intent. Play them through your mind, notice that moment when you did or could of had a choice and prepare in your mind how you would like to be next time a similar situation arises.

We are always learning and evolving and deepening our understanding of ourselves, this is the journey called life. Living this principle of knowing that everyone does the best they can in any given moment with the resources they have available to them is a great step forward and helps you feel better about others as well as yourself.

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